The Battle for the Worlds: Between Worlds, Beyond
by HarlowKettering
Summary: A young teen girl is caught up in the ultimate battle for the universe and forced to team up with heroes from other worlds to try and stop the forces of evil!
1. Chapter 1: The Beginning

My name is Harlow Kettering and I'm 15 not too long ago I had the craziest adventure! You totally wouldn't believe it. It all started a few days before a school dance. I woke up in my bed and looked in the mirror. Of course, I saw myself staring back! (It would have been really scary if it had been someone else!) I don't think I'm that pretty, but everyone says I am, so I think that's really good. I have long black hair and I'm kinda pale and my eyes are the same color as ice cubes. At school I was at my locker talking to my best friend Rudolpha when a really cute guy walked up to me. It was the hottest guy in school! He kinda looked like Robert Pattinson which made him even supercutter. His name was Dillinger and he had brown hair. I was wearing a pair of girl jeans that clung to my thin but still shapely body. It was cold outside so I had on a red sweater that

"Hey Harlow" he said all smiley.

According to Rudulpha, my face turned so red. I was so embarrassed! But I tried to play it real cool so he wouldn't know I thought he was cute.

"Hello" I said.

"Are you going to the dance?" he asked all smiley.

"I think so" I said kind of sadly, since I didn't have a date.

"Do you wan go with me?" he asked.

"OMG yes I do!" I shouted a bit too loud.

He smiled at me "See you then" and walked away. I couldn't believe it. Rudolpha was jealous she staired swords at me. But I had a date with such a hawtie! It was crazy!

But things went even CRAZIER in English class because another boy who looked like Justin Bieber asked me to the dance! And at lunch the same thing happened when a boy who looked like Taylor Lautner! And just as I was leaving school another boy who looked like Benicio Del Toro asked me out!

I know some of you are saying "Harlow why did you let all those boys ask you out?" Well according to my dad I've always been a girl who couldn't say no! So I tried not to worry too much for the next few days and hoped that maybe something to fix my situation. But little did I know things would get even CRAZIER!


	2. Chapter 2: The Beginning

Chapter 2: The Beginning

The night of the dance was tonight and I was kind of freaking out about having so many dates. I was sort of hoping that maybe one or two of the boys would cancel or maybe they wouldn't be allowed to go to the dance or something so that I wouldn't have to have find out that I said yes to so many guys.

But I showed up at the dance anyway, with Rudolpha. Rudolpha was nice and she had a lot of money but she was also kind of ugly. She had long brown curly hair and kind of a big nose and her parents were always making her go to temple so she couldn't always hang out as much as I would have wanted to.

I showed up looking really cute and good looking while Rudolpha tried and did ok. Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at me as I entered the gym. I felt kind of shy but gave everyone a wave and they went back to what they were doing. But I soon saw all of the guys walking towards me. I hoped they wouldn't see eachother so I ducked behind a tower of balloons. I closed my eyes and put my hand over my heart and I wished that I could just go somewhere else and not have to talk to them.

And then….I was gone.


	3. Chapter 3: Another World!

Chapter 3: Another World!

When I opened my eyes I was in a place that was not my gym! It was like I was standing in space, with stars and blackness everywhere. But I wasn't floating, it was like there was a floor underneath my feet! "Rudolpha, goddammit!" I yelled angrily "What did you do!"

"Rudolpha had nothing to do with this…" said a mystical sounding voice. I jumped and looked around

"Who is there in the darkness in which I cannot see!" I yelled serenely

Suddenly a man appeared in front of me and I recognized him immediately.

"You're Kyle MacLachlan!" I shouted.

"Yes, I am", he said, tossing his hair.

"Why am I here? Did my wish come true?"

"No, you are here because your world, all of the worlds are in danger from a force of great evil."

"OMG!"

"That's right, the evil beings from all of the worlds have gathered together to try and take over all of the worlds. And I have decided to intervene, choosing one champion from each world to do battle with the evil on a world created solely as a battlefield. And you are your world's champion."

"That's CRAZY!" I roared.

"Soon you will be teleported to this world, and it is up to you to defeat the champions of evil. You can only use your immense talents to stop them. If the champions of good fail, then we are all doomed!

Before I could ask anything, I was teleported! And I was suddenly in what appeared to be a vast city.


	4. Chapter 4: The Vast City

Chapter 4: A Vast City

"What the shit!" I shouted. I've never been in a city like this before. It seemed abandoned, just empty building after empty building. I turned and yelled to Rudolpha to run over and she did as fast as her knobby legs could carry her. "What are we gawnna do, Harlow?" she asked. "Well, I guess we should find some weapons or something, if we're going to fight." I scanned the horizon using my keen eyesight. "I see a weapons shop!" I yelled, pointing a few blocks down to a store with a large sign that had swords, axes, guns, lightsabers, and bows and arrows.

I turned to look at Rudolpha but there was suddenly a loud explosion that blew Rudolpha into a telephone poll.

'RUDOLPHA!" I screamed anguishly. But before I could run to her I saw Voldemort floating in the air, his thick greasy black hair flowing all around him.

"No!" I shouted. I didn't have anything to use to defend myself so I waved my hands at him, trying to scare him away. And it worked! His eyes widened and he flew off "And stay gone, you shit ass!" I yelled at him raising my fist, sticking my middle finger up at him.

I ran to Rudolpha her head was bleeding, make her greasy hair even grosser than usual.

Our eyes locked and I saw the life leaving her eyes. It was really sad! (If you're crying, I'm sorry!) I held her hand and kissed it, it tasted like grease and kosher salt. She gave me a look that let me know that she wanted me to win so that our world would be safe. And then she went all limp and stuff and died. I cried for like 5 minutes.

I left Rudolpha's body in the street and made my way to the weapon shop. The next time I saw a villain, I was gonna stop them for good.

Halfway to the store, I heard crying. I turned my head and saw a woman with orange hair crying in a doorway. I gasped as I saw her face. It was…..Sara Goldfarb!


	5. Chapter 5: The Champions

Chapter 5: The Champions

When she saw my face, Sara quickly waved me into the house. When I walked in the room smelled like onions and farts. But in the middle of the room was a big circle table. Sitting at the table were a few of the heroes. I was so excited!

"Hello there" said Sailor Moon.

"Yes, Hello" said the Powerpuff Girls.

"Hello" said Nomi.

I couldn't believe that I was in the same room with such heroes! Nomi was sitting in the corner, eating a hamburger, ketchup falling onto her naked body. There was a large map on the table and the Powerpuff girls and Sailor Moon were looking over it. Sara shuffled into the corned and began to argue with Nomi about the hamburger.

"So, there should be a enemy base in the woods just outside the city" Sailor Moon said, gently stroking her hand up Buttercup's back.

"Well, we're going to need someone to slip inside." Said Blossom who was wearing pink.

"I'll do it!" I volunteered.

They all looked at me. "You are so brave, we admire you" Sailor Moon. And they all nodded. Even Nomi!

"So, we're going to go out and create a distraction while you sneak into their base and destroy it." Said Bubbles, who was wearing blue.

"But I'll need a weapon" I said affirmatively.

Nomi got up and walked up to me. She had a big goofy grin. She pulled out a switch blade and handed it to me. "Use this." She said.

"Thanks!" I shouted. Everyone got up and left to go create a distraction. I sat in a chair for a bit and finished off Nomi's fries. Suddenly I heard a big KABOOM CRASH. And I knew the distraction had begun. I was scared!


	6. Chapter 6: The Great Battle

Chapter 6: The Great Battle

I ran from the building and I ran as hard as my muscular legs could to the woods. It was really scary. There were probably bears and stuff in there, so I held out Nomi's switchblade, ready to cut whoever I saw.

I walked into a clearing. There was a giant battle! Villians were gathered in the field while Sailor Moon and the Sailor Scouts were floating on their jetpacks, using their magic wands to blast people away. It was so cool! The Powerpuff Girls were shooting their eyebeams at people and Nomi was spinning around a tree trunk, shooting people with two guns.

I saw the big forest fortress and ran for it. It was like a big castle. I ran in through a side entrance and walked around the hallway. Outside I could hear giant booms and crashes and I hoped that my new friends would be safe.

I walked into a room and I gasped! There were boxes of TNT everywhere. I was so scared that I might blow up. But I was brave and took the switch blade and stabbed a stick of dynamite with my switchblade.

"SELF-DESTRUCT IN 10 MINUTES" said a loud computer voice. I quickly started to run, trying to find an exit. But I came out on top of a tower. I looked around, there was nowhere to go!

"Hey darlin'" said a voice.

I jumped and turned around. It was Crystal Connors! She smiled an evil smile at me. I pulled out my switchblade and was getting ready to cut this turkey's throat but before I could she grabbed my head and kissed me. It was a GAY kiss! I shoved her away "That's wrong" I screamed. She hit the ground and her head popped off and into my hands. Before I could do anything, Professor Umbridge ran out, she was waving a wand which turned into a giant sword. "I'm going to kill you, bitch!" she screamed menacingly.

"Unfortunately for you, I'm about to get a-head of the pack!" I snarked, tossing Crystal's head at her, which exploded upon hitting her, blowing her off the tower. "Sailor Moon!" I yelled, waving my arms "Help me!" Sailor Moon came flying towards me, grabbing me in her arms and carrying me away as the castle exploded!


	7. Chapter 7: Tragedy

Chapter 7: Tragedy

Sailor Moon carried me to the clearing. The villains ran after they saw how I had blown up their castle. As we landed, all of the heroes were cheering for me! "You performed admirably", said Bubbles who was still wearing blue. "Yeah, you were awesome!" said Nomi, doing a victory dance.

"Where will we head next?" I asked, wanted to put a stop to the villains once and for all.

"I don't know" said Sailor Moon "We only knew about this one facility, we're in the dark as to the rest of the enemy's strongholds."

There was suddenly a loud noise and we all turned around! It was Sue Slyvester! She was wearing a tracksuit made out of bones and holding a giant machine gun. "Prepare to die, shits!" she screamed and bullets began to shoot everywhere! I dove to the ground, covering my head. I looked up and saw Nomi being riddled with bullets, her implants exploded and liquid silicon flying all over the place "Nomi!" I screamed, tears pouring down my face as her torso was ripped open and soon the only thing remaining of Nomi Malone were her legs from the knees down which were still standing.

The Sailor Scouts flew away with the Powerpuff Girls "You can do it Harlow!" they screamed. Sue looked at me and aimed the machine gun at me. I did a barrel roll! I rolled behind a tree where I found a rare candy! "Score!" I shouted as I quickly swallowed it as bullets began to tear into the tree behind me. I leveled up! I jumped from behind the tree and raised my fist, creating a fireball which I threw at the gun, causing it to explode. I saw Sue's charred body laying on the ground, twitching as she had her last few, agonizing moments.

I jumped in the air "I did it!" I shouted as Sailor Moon and the Powerpuff Girls returned. I began to run to them, but suddenly I felt sick. I stumbled and almost fell before Sailor Moon caught me. "Are you ok?" she asked. "No" I said.

Sailor Moon waved her hands over me, to detect what was wrong. She gasped and took a step back. "Harlow, did something happen with Crystal in the fortress?"

"Yes" I said all blushy.

"Harlow I'm sorry, but you have…AIDS".


	8. Chapter 8: Search for the Cure

Chapter 8: Search for a Cure

"No!" I screamed. "I can't have AIDS! It's not fair".

Sailor Moon strokes over my hair "Don't worry, there's an enemy stronghold in the city where I heard they were developing a cure for AIDS. If we sneak in and steal it, you'll be cured.

I let out a sigh of relief. We buried Nomi's legs and said a prayer of her grave, I only hoped that she would be the only person I have to say goodbye to in this quest.

We decided to go back into the city to try and find the research building where the AIDS cure was being developed. When we walked into the city, I almost fell. I was feeling weak from having AIDS.

Just then we heard the sound of someone bumping into a trash can. The Powerpuff girls flew into the alley and emerged carrying Draco Malfor. He was fighting and arguing but when he saw me, he stopped. Blossom threw him onto the ground.

"Tell us where they're making the AIDS cure!" Sailor Moon said, kicking Draco in the stomach. He let out a cry like the grape lady, so it must have REALLY hurt. "No, I'm not telling you anything Sailor Boobs!" Sailor Moon roared like a boar "Tell me where it is or I'll kick you until you shit yourself!" she shouted.

I quickly sat down next to Draco, holding my hand in his. "Please" I said, looking him in the eyes. "I have AIDS". When Draco heard that, he softened. "I'll take you to it" he said. Be both got up and he held my hand. I felt my face going red as he led us through the city.

Soon we walked into an alley and Draco knocked on a brick wall. I was all confused until I heard someone say "What's the password?" Draco looked at me and cleared his throat "Evil is Right. Good is Wrong". "Correct" said the voice and the brick wall opened in front of us!

And with that we headed into the evil lair!


	9. Chapter 9: The Evil Lair

Chapter 9: The Evil Lair

We went into the lair. The walls were metal-like and seemed all technological, like a lab in a spaceship movie.

Me, Draco, and Rudolpha tiptoed through the hallways. "Draco," I said askingly, "Do you know where the cure is?"

"No" sputtered Draco "I'm not allowed to go to a lot of the places here, since I'm not evil enough"

I gave him the thumbs-up "That's A-Ok in my book" I said.

"Oh my gawd, you two are such a perfect couple" Rudolpha said, moving her hands a lot.

"Rudolpha! Don't be silly!" I screamed. She just smiled and continued sucking on a cup of ice cubes.

We soon found a huge door and heard lots of voices behind it. I tried to hear someone say the word AIDS and eventually someone did!

"This is it!" I whispered, looking at the two. "When I open the door, people are probably going to fire lasers at us or something, so get ready".

I opened the door and I saw a giant tube being poked and prodded by a series of robot arms. Controlling the arms, behind a thick piece of clear plastic was Hitler!

The Nazis saw us and they pulled out laser rifles and began firing. I dove behind a computer, pulling Draco with me. I turned and saw Rudolpha get shot in the face, her head turning to ash and blowing away. Her body fell on the ground and I ran to her.

Our eyes locked and I saw the life leaving her eyes. It was really sad! (If you're crying, I'm sorry!) I held her hand and kissed it, it tasted like grease and kosher salt. She gave me a look that let me know that she wanted me to win so that our world would be safe. And then she went all limp and stuff and died. I cried for like 5 minutes.

I jumped in the air and began shooting fireballs at all the Nazis, causing their guns to blow up. They ran and I looked up at Hitler and stuck my middle finger up at him "I'm gonna show you my Eva Brawn!"


	10. Chapter 10: Battle with Das Fuhrer

Chapter 10: Battle with Das Fuhrer

Hitler jumped through the plastic, shattering it into a billion pieces!

He landed right in front of me and pulled out a weird stick. He waved it about "Germany Planet Power!" He disappeared in a flash of light and reappeared as Sailor Germany!

Hitler was a Sailor Scout! I screamed, so did Draco. He shot giant nazi symbols made out of energy at us and we had to keep running while computers and stuff exploded. "I'm gonna piss on your brain, bitch!" Hitler screamed (only in a German accent) as we evaded his attacks.

Me and Draco ran for the door, opening it and running down hallways until we could find a room to hide in. It was all close and we were pressed together. "We need to destroy his tiara, if we do that, he'll turn back into normal Hitler". I said and Draco nodded. Draco pulled out his wand and said "I'll distract him with my patronus, I can make it look like Voldemort and he'll think that it's on his side."

"Good idea!" I shouted. We left the room and saw Sailor Germany looking for us. "Expecto Patronum!" Draco shouted and suddenly a slivery version of Voldemort was walking down the hallway towards Hitler. He stopped and began to talk to the silvery villain. I started running and jumped through fake-Voldemort, grabbing Hitler's tiara and pulling it from his head. He shouted as his sailor costume went away and he turned back into regular Hitler.

I pulled out the switchblade that Nomi gave me. "This is for Nomi, you dick tater!" and I drove the blade into Hitler's forehead. He fell onto the floor, twitching until I stepped on his throat and let out a battle cry that sounded like a mixture of dolphins and dinosaurs.

"We have to get the AIDS cure!" I shouted to Draco as we ran back into the Cure Room. Inside the floating tube was a pill. I shattered it and grabbed the pill and swallowing it. Suddenly, I felt the AIDS leave my body. I was cured!

"Let's get out of here Draco, there are still more evil people to stop, we're lucky no one got killed!"

And we left!


	11. Chapter 11: Allies

Chapter 11: Allies

Me and Draco were wandering the streets, not sure where to head next.

"Draco" I said, looking at him and holding his hand "You're going to hell".

Before I could say anything else, we heard gunshots nearby. We ran in the direction of the gunshots. It was a fight! As we got there, it seemed like the fight was over and Uncle Jesse and Joey were running into an alley. Standing in the street were Donna Jo, Stephanie, and Michelle Tanner. Donna Jo was holding twin pistols, Stephanie had a hunting rifle, and Michelle had on a machine gun bra.

They all looked at us. "It appears as if we are on the same side" said Michelle.

I nodded 'Except for Draco, he's evil, but he's not dangerous".

"Then we must be vigilant in case he turns on us" said Stephanie, giving Draco weird looks.

We stood there and it was kind of weird, but then Donna Jo told us that she believed that Joey and Uncle Jesse were supplying the villains with ammunition and using Jesse and the Shitters to raise money for their evil deeds.

"For these reason, we have to kill them." Said Donna Jo.

"Let's do it, then." I said "Let's kill Joey and Uncle Jesse".

Then I thought of something "But how can we find them, they just ran away, I don't think we can catch up."

"This problem can easily be alleviated" said Michelle, raising her arm. "Taxi!" she yelled.

Then a car pulled up in front of us.

"You ladies need a ride?" said the driver.

I saw who was driving it and I screamed.

It was…..Stuntman Mike!


	12. Chapter 12: Death Retardant

Chapter 12: Death Retardant

Stuntman Mike asked us to get into his car, but I had seen the movie so I yelled "No, don't! He'll try to kill you!"

He jumped out of the car and grabbed my hair 'Eat floor bitch!" he yelled and shoved me to the ground. He pulled out a giant remote control and used it to make his car suddenly back up, driving over Michelle Tanner. She screamed as her body was pulled underneath the tire, crushing her.

"You shitcock!" yelled Donna Jo, beginning to fire at Stuntman Mike. He dove behind his car, which was bulletproof. "Get out from under there, you limpdick piece of asshole putty!" screamed Stephanie, shooting the car in anger.

"Rudolpha! Goddamit!" yelled Donna Jo, kicking the tire. As she kicked the tire, suddenly the car blew up.

Me and Draco were knocked on our backs.

When I got up, I saw Stephanie and Donna Jo jumping into Stuntmike Mike as their faces were melting off, leaving bright white skulls that had their mouths wide open as they screamed.

Stuntman Mike waved his arms around as they pulled out Little Sister needles and shoved them into him, draining him of his essence. Soon he began to crumble and turn into dust.

Donna Jo and Stephanie began laughing with their skull face, grabbing Michelle's body and dragging it into a corner.

"We have to kill Uncle Jesse and Joey!" I yelled.


	13. Chapter 13: The Hunt for the RHR

Chapter 13: The Hunt for the Rush Hour Renegades

Me and Draco began running through the alleys, trying to track down Uncle Jesse and Joey. But we had no idea what to do until I noticed a trail of grease and oil on the ground.

"It's his hair!" I yelled "Uncle Jesse is a mulleted greasehead, we can follow the trail to find them!"

Draco looked up "You are so smart." I only LOLed and we began to follow the oil, it smelled like feta cheese.

We ran down a dark alley, then the trail stopped. It was hard to see so I was kind of scared.

Suddenly, I heard a voice "Hey there boys and girls!"

It was Bullwinkle's voice. Which could only mean one thing "Die Joey!" I yelled, firing off a gun into the dark. There was A Cry in the Dark and I knew that I had hit him. Suddenly, bright lights came on! I couldn't see!

I saw Joey laying on the ground, he was bleeding from his upper leg and looking at me with a "OMG I'm gonna kill you" face. Uncle Jesse came out around the corner, the light shining off his slick hair. "Have mercy!" I yelled as he raised a gun and pointed it at Draco.

Suddenly flowers began covering Uncle Jesse and he couldn't move. A figure stepped out behind him, wearing an ugly ass witch costume. It was Marnie Cromwell!

Joey pulled out a gun and aimed it at her, she smacked his hand away. I stood up and raised my gun, putting it right between Joey's eyes. I pulled the trigger and painted the alley with his brains, causing Marnie to moan like a dog in heat.

I walked over to Uncle Jesse, still wrapped in the plants. "I'm about to light…the Olympic Torch" I said, lighting a match and dropping it on Uncle Jesse, causing all of the plants to set fire. Me, Draco, and Marnie stood there and watched him burn.

"Well, now that that's over" said Marnie, extending her hand to Draco. As Draco shook her hand, she pulled him to her, putting a gun to his head and pulling the trigger.

"Nooooooooo!" I yelled as Draco dropped to the floor.

"Harlow, I love you" he said as he died.

I turned to see Marnie pointing the gun at me!


	14. Chapter 14: Hero Squad

Chapter 14: Hero Squad

"Marnie, don't do this." I asked.

Marnie's gun was shaking in her hand, she seemed kinda nervous. Before I could try to grab the gun from her, "Oh hell no, Bitch!" I heard someone say before I heard a shot and a bullet ripped off Marnie's hand!

I looked and it was The Hero Squad! Walking towards me were Bette Davis, Tilda Swinton, and Beyonce!

Marnie fell to the ground, screaming and crying as the three women walked up to us.

"We heard you were in danger" said Tilda Swinton.

Beyonce put her gun to Marnie's head "Bitch, you're supposed to be on our side." She said. Marnie had snot pouring down her face and was drooling on the floor because she was crying so hard.

"I asked you a question, answer it"

Marnie suddenly screamed "They have my family! I had to kill her or they would kill them!"

There was silence as Beyonce put her gun away before pulling out her switch blade "Tough luck, bitch" she said as she slit Marnie's throat. Blood poured everywhere and we all watched as Marnie bled out, her body turning into sparkles and flying away.

"That was NOT the real Marnie!" exclaimed Bette Davis, tossing her cigarette away and pulling out a new one.

"Definitely Not" said Tilda Swinton androgynously

"Why are all of you here?" I asked.

"We heard you were in danger, and you seem to be the key to puttin' this shit right" said Beyonce..

"What do you mean?"

Bette Davis laughed "For SOME reason, the enemy WANTS to kill you. So you MUST be important".

Tilda Swinton adjusted her hair "There's an enemy stronghold far into the woods, we've been tasked to stop it, and find clues as to where the leader of the evil forces is being held up."

"You in?" Beyonce asked and I nodded. We all jumped in the air and cheered.

I was part of the Hero Squad!


	15. Chapter 15: Traveling w the Hero Squad

Chapter 15: Traveling with the Hero Squad

We were hiking through the woods, Bette Davis would sometimes go into cussing fits as her gown would get caught on thorns and stuff. Beyone stomped through the woods in her Gucci pumps while Tilda Swinton flew in the air above us, looking ahead for signs of enemies.

Rudolpha kept tripping over twigs in her cheap Payless shoes "Oh Gawd, I'm gawnna fall" she would yell before tripping and laying on the ground, wheezing.

"Rudolpha, don't be such a lazy twat" I said, rolling my eyes.

"You're friend is QUITE the little tagalong" Bette Davis said, pulling her dress from a branch.

"She looks kinda like my lawyer" said Beyonce, eating a honey bun.

"Enemies are approaching" yelled Tilda from above us.

We got into battle positions, Rudolpha just hid behind a tree.

"There ain't no money behind that tree, bitch!" yelled Beyonce, tossing a knife to her "Make yo ass useful!"

Through the woods came a group of enemies. It was Zoicite, Bellatrix, The White Witch, and Crystal Connor!

Crystal licked her lips and looked at me "Remember me, Darlin'?" she asked. "No!" I screamed, hoping to not get AIDS again.

Before Crystal could do anything, Tilda Swinton swooped down, grabbing Crystal by the neck and hurling her several yards away. Bette Davis pounced on Bellatrix, the two women rolled around and tugged on eachothers hair. Beyonce took on the White Witch "Oh, so you the White Witch, well let me show you the Black Bitch!" she yelled, firing her guns at the evil woman. I ran to Zoicite, creating a fireball in my hand, he/she shot lighting out of its hands, almost hitting me. I ran around a tree to get close before shooting a fireball and hitting it in the chest. It turned and ran as did Bellatrix who had a lot of her hair missing.

Beyonce stood over the White Witch, her body filled with bullets. 

"Well, that was exciting" said Tilda Swinton floating to the ground.

Beyonce spun her gun around her finger before it accidentally fired "Oh Shit!" she yelled as the bullet ripped off Rudolpha's leg. Before we could run to her, a pack of wolves came and grabbed her, dragging her into the woods as she screamed like Fran Drescher.

Our eyes locked and I saw the life leaving her eyes. It was really sad! (If you're crying, I'm sorry!) I held her hand and kissed it, it tasted like grease and kosher salt. She gave me a look that let me know that she wanted me to win so that our world would be safe. And then she went all limp and stuff and died. I cried for like 5 minutes.

We all dusted ourselves off and continued on.


	16. Chapter 16: The Curious Village

Chapter 16: The Curious Village

We walked through the woods and we soon saw a clearing "Better be careful, I don't want no assholes to take us out from a distance" said Beyonce, signaling for us to wait while she crept closer to the clearing.

Bette Davis, Tilda and I sat there and waited.

After a while we began to get worried, we snuck up to the clearing. We gasped! There was a whole village. There were women walking all around, but they were dressed like poor people. They wore really high boots and short jeans and tank tops that were barely covering their hooters! Some of them kind of looked like men and I could see bits of duct tape poking up from their jeans.

We stuck to the woods, watching them as they would line up and a man would come out of a tent, point to one of them and the two would go off into a tent together.

"What are they doing?" I asked. I didn't get and answer because suddenly there was a loud voice, someone must have had a megaphone!

"Heroes, we have Beyonce. So go ahead and show yourself or we will pour water on her weave"

We all gasped and quickly ran into the clearing, waving our hands.

A group of the women came out, being led by Crystal Connors!

I screamed when I saw who was with her. It was Nomi! She looked different, she seemed evil, like she had just pushed someone down the stairs.

Crystal and Nomi had a GAY kiss! Orange cheeto spit connected their mouths, it was gross!

"What are you doing Nomi!" I yelled.

Crystal smirked "She's a whore, darlin'. We're all whores".

I screamed "No!" I charged at Crystal, wanting to kill her or tear her nipple off but some of the women who looked like men grabbed me.

I began to cry as Crystal began to put bright red lipstick on me as other women grabbed Bette Davis and Tilda.

"You're all gonna be whores." Nomi said, laughing.


	17. Chapter 17: Whore Village

Chapter 17: Whore Village

I looked at Crystal. "I hate you" I said. She only laughed and said "I know".

They led us to the center of the village where Beyonce was tied to a giant bed, duct tape was over her mouth so she couldn't talk.

"Once we get our mind control implants in you, you'll be part of our little group" She held up on of the implants, it looked weird!

"Everyone here is brainwashed!" I said, horrified. Crystal shook her head "No, we're just whores. I had these special boob implants made just for your little group"

"What'll we do, Tilda?" I asked, but Tilda Swinton didn't respond. Then I heard a noise in the woods, I looked over and I almost let out a happy scream. It was Phoenix Wright, Marge, Gunderson, and Liz Lemon! We were saved! They ran towards us, Marge was kind of slow because she was pregnant. She was firing her gun and hit the hookers holding us. Crystal let out a scream of anger!

Now that I was free, I punched Nomi. She fell backwards. Liz Lemon jumped on her and slashed her face, then she did the same to Crystal "Now you all have chins, bitch!" she yelled, doing a loser dance. Phoenix Wright untied Beyonce and she ripped the tape off her mouth. "Oh, these bitches are dead" she said, pulling out her guns.

But we were surrounded by a group of man-ladies, they looked really strong and confused! Liz Lemon threw a block of cheese at one of them, which took them by surprise, allowing Beyonce to fire several bullets into them. It let out a cry that sounded male and female and fell onto the ground. Phoenix Wright swung a clock that looked like a famous statue at one of the prostitutes, but it grabbed the statue from him! So Bette Davis jumped on him and began to claw his eyes out "Now you ARE blind" she shouted.

I tossed a fireball at one and it ran as it burned, turning into ash and disappearing. Soon all of them were dead, we won! When we went to take care of Crystal and Nomi, they had vanished!

"I doubt that's the last we'll see of them" said Phoenix and we all nodded.


	18. Chapter 18: The Siege

Chapter 18: The Siege

Phoenix Wright, Marge Gunderson, and Liz Lemon left, apparently they had to go and kill someone. So we kept walking through the woods. Rudolpha was struggling to keep up in her wooden clogs. Beyonce and Rudolpha didn't get along because Rudolpha doesn't like b-l-a-c-k people.

"Oh my Gawd, she's gawnna rob me" she would say every time Beyonce came close to her.

Soon we heard gunshots and screaming. There was a large house in the middle of the forest! It was surrounded by child soldiers! They were carrying guns and looked sad and malnourished. "What is this bullshit?" asked Beyonce. The kids kepy shooting at the house and every so often a gun would fire from inside the house, taking out one of the kids. "There must be heroes in trouble in there!" I yelled.

"We BETTER check it out" said Bette Davis. Tilda Swinton waves her hands and a giant forcefield came out of the house, knocking the little kids down long enough for us to run inside. Inside was Dorothy Zbornak, Rose Nylund, Sophia Petrillo, and Rue McClanahan! Sophia was laying on a couch, a gunshot in her leg.

"Good, we needed the help" said Dorothy, pumping her shotgun. "My forcefield can only last so long" said Tilda Swinton, "We must prepare an adequate defense."

"Yeah, those kids look like some little shits" said Beyonce, patting her weave. Rose said nothing, just chewing on a big piece of raw meat.

"My power wanes" said Tilda as the force field disappeared and gunshots began hitting the house again. Dorothy quickly leaned out the window to shoot a little girl who was carrying an assault rifle.

Rudolpha hid behind the couch.

"We need to distract them!" I yelled.

"Here," Beyonce said, pushing Rudolpha towards the door "Give them this bitch"

"Oh my Gawd, you would never do that, Harlow" Rudolpha said, counting her money. "But I will, you pussy booger" Beyonce shouted kicking Rudolph out the window. The kids swarmed around her as she let out a high pitched scream.

Our eyes locked and I saw the life leaving her eyes. It was really sad! (If you're crying, I'm sorry!) I held her hand and kissed it, it tasted like grease and kosher salt. She gave me then she went all limp and stuff and died. I cried for like 5 minutes.

Beyonce reached into her K-Mart panties and pulled out a granade, she pulled the pin and threw it into the mass, causing child parts to spallter the house as the grenade blew up!

"Goddamn" said Dorothy.


	19. Chapter 19: Scattered

Chapter 19: Scattered

The house we were in burned down and we escape, but everyone else died.

Me and The Hero Squad were walking through the woods toward the enemy base when suddenly The Roloffs jumped out at us! They were all on motorscooters. "Run, bitches!" Beyonce yelled, sprinting into the foods as Amy Roloff went after her. I turned and ran, screaming like a moose.

I heard the sound of a motorscooter but I didn't turn to see which midge was chasing me. Before I could run any further, a hand grabbed me and pulled me into a tree. Sitting in the branches with me was Katniss Everdeen and Peet Mellark. Peeta looked at me all shyly and romantically and I could see that Katniss did not like it.

"Guys, what are we gonna do?" I said quizzically. Katniss aimed her boy and arrow and fired, hitting the normal sized twin, skewering him through the head. Katniss moaned like a Marnie in heat. Peeta reached over and held my hand and I sucked on his ring finger.

"Hey, let's go!" Katniss yelled and we all jumped out of the tree. We looked around and we didn't see any of the Roloff or the Hero Squad. I was lost and I didn't know what to do!

"Let's keep walking in the woods and see if we can find my group" I said. Peeta and Katniss agreed and said my idea was the best idea ever. We kept walking when there was a noise from the bushes and someone jumped out

It was…Amber from Teen Mom!


	20. Chapter 20: Betrayal

Chapter 20: Betrayal

"Go eat some Cracker Barrel you fat bitch!" I yelled, shooing Amber away. But she started swinging her baby around, she was attached to a chain. It was like Gogo from Kill Bill!

I dove to the ground, avoiding Leah as she flew over my head. Katniss fired an arrow at Amber and it hit her in the tit! She roared like an octopus. "Peeta!" I yelled "Be careful!" He picked up a large rock and hurled it at the monster. She headbutted it in midair and it shattered.

I tossed a fireball at her, but she swallowed it. "What will we do?" I asked. Just then, a fist punched through Amber's stomach. Cheese whiz and tuna poured out all of the ground as the fist pulled back out, leaving a big hole. Amber fell to the ground and Leah exploded! When she fell, I saw who had saved us, it was Superman.

He winked at us, waved, then flew away.

"OMG" I said " I can't believe it!" "Yeah, I know" said Katniss, blowing her nose on a leaf.

We kept walking through the woods, I would yell for Tilda, Bette, or Beyonce sometimes, but no one would respond. Katniss would give me dirty looks because Peeta kept holding my hand.

We walked into a clearing and there were people sitting on a rock. When I saw them, I screamed, I felt so angry!

It was Draco and Rudolpha, they were kissing!


	21. Chapter 21: Mishegas

Chapter 21: Mishegas

"Oh My Gawd, Harlow, I didn't mean to. It was so crazy, Oh my Gawd. I'm gawnna shit, I'm so scared" Rudolpha said, tossing money at me to try and make me less angry.

I walked towards them. I was so angry! Draco stood up "Harlow, I love you. It was Rudolpha who did it. She said she could make me a movie star".

"OH my Gawd, that's such a lie. He's such a gawddamn liar Harlow, the shit that he says".

I punched Rudolpha in the stomach. She fell to the ground and puked, matza and Hebrew National hotdogs fell out of her mouth.

Draco's eyes got all wide and I stepped towards him while Rudolpha continued to puke and moan. I shoved him and he fell to the ground. He seemed so scared. Then suddenly there was a really bad smell and Draco's face got all red. 

"Oh My Gawd, he totally shit himself" said Rudolpha, getting back to her feet "That's so gross, oh my gawd, I would die".

Draco began to cry, not getting back up. I couldn't look at him. This was so nasty! This has never happened to me before. I looked away at Rudolpha "You betrayed me!" I yelled angrily. "You knew Draco and I loved eachother, you heard what he said!"

"Oh Gawd, Harlow, I know. But he was so cute, and no one's ever kissed me before, and I thought that maybe this was gawnna be the time to get my first one."

"Rudolpha, I know that you're sort of grody, but you still should kiss other people's boyfriends".

"Like, gawd, I know. But what was I gawnna do?" Rudolpha kept motioning with her hands, it looked tiring.

Just then there was an explosion that sent Draco flying into a tree.

Me and Rudolpha turned and looked and saw Waluigi!


	22. Chapter 22: Amends

Chapter 22: Amends

Rudolpha pulled out her cheap, secondhand gun and shot Waluigi. He died and fell on the ground dead.

I helped Draco to his feet and made him change his pants.

Me, Rudolpha, Draco, and Peeta walked through the woods and we heard talking! We walked to a clearing and we saw a restaurant. It was Merlotte's! "There!" I said pointing. "We can eat there. They have food. For us to eat."

We walked in and everyone stopped and looked at me as I entered. Then they saw Rudolpha and turned away. In the corner, there was a scruffy looking guy watching me. In the other corner there was a blonde vampire watching me. In the other corner there was a dark haired vampire watching me. We sat down at the table and a bucktoothed blonde waitress with a big gap handed us our menu. "Oh Gewd, there betta be something good on here" said Rudolpha.

The waitress gave me a weird look "I need you to come with me" she said in a Southern voice. We went into the bathroom, I held Nomi's switchblade in case she tried anything shady. "Look" she said in her southern voice. "Those three people at the table are madly in love with you. You need to be careful because they're all jealous".

"Oh, ok" I said and I went back to the table.

It was weird looking at all of them. I set my hand on the table and Rudolpha reached over and put her hand on mine. I kinda tugged it away because her hands were kinda fat and gross. Soon the waitress came back with all of our food. She gave me a look as she handed me my pasta puttanesca.

We ate in silence for a few moments until someone said something. "This place is very nice" said Draco. "You know what wasn't nice?" said Rudolpha "Your pants after you took a steaming shit in them". Draco blushed and looked down at his hamburger. Peeta spoke up "Rudolpha, you're a very mean young woman. I find you quite nasty".

Rudolpha's jaw dropped "Oh my Gawd, you really just said that to me?" She stabbed her fork into her brisket and eyed Peeta "Don't think I don't have ya number you backwoods hillbilly. I could buy and sell your family 10 times and still have money to buy an island".

Peeta hurled a knife at Rudolpha. She dodged it, but it cut her Wal-Mart shirt. "You shitass, this cost 749 dollars"

Peeta narrowed his eyes "From the looks of it, you spent about 15 dollars on your whole ensemble. And I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt in assuming that you didn't pay for your gnarly ass haircut".

Rudolpha let out a roar as took a large bite of her brisket.

"Guys, let's not fight. It's breaking me heart!" I yelled. They all settled down, but Rudolpha seemed angry, her hair was frizzier than usual. 

"Oh well, it doesn't make much of a difference" said Rudolpha, giving Peeta an evil look "I pissed in ya food".


	23. Chapter 23: Heal the World

Author's Note: I noticed that some of the comments about my story have been kind of mean (I looked up what a Mary Sue is and it was not a nice thing to say). And I just want to say that my story isn't even finished and that this is the first story I've written for other people to see. So while I appreciate people reading my story, I was very upset at the negative things people said and I hope that this chapter inspires you to stop being so hateful.

Chapter 23: Heal the World

Peeta spit the food out and screamed. Rudolpha laughed and sat back but Peeta picked up his bowl of hot soup and threw it into Rudolpha's face. She screamed as it burned her face, the soup popped as it hit the hot oil that always seemed to cover Rudolpha.

"You shitass!" she yelled, using a napkin to try and wipe her face, but it was all red from having hot soup thrown into it. Draco began to cry "I hate this! I don't even know what's going on. It's like I'm lost and I don't know how to get home!" He began to cry and sob onto his hamburger. I rolled my eyes (Can you believe these guys?) I clapped my hands and everyone in the diner looked at me.

"Why do we need to fight? Why can we not have peace? If everyone were to just look at eachother and realize that despite all of our differences, we still have the same heart and the same soul and what we are all children of God. We need to realize that it's never wrong to love, but its always wrong to hate, if we did, then all of the problems we have with eachother would disappear. It's like two hands fighting against eachother when they are both part of the body of Christ. We need to realize these universal truths in order to HEAL the WORLD"

I looked around, and everyone was crying. People began to applaud and the blond vampire and the dark haired vampire hugged while Rudolpha, Peeta, and Draco all hugged too and cried. The lights in the restaurant began to glow a bright white light until they exploded into a shower of doves, which flew out the window. I put my hand over my heart and I knew that I would put an end to this war so that we could once again have peace.

We left the diner and continued through the woods, knowing that we needed to stop the villains.

We kept walking, laughing and joking when we came across someone giving an evil laugh. It was….Ultimecia!


	24. Chapter 24: The Power of Friendship

Chapter 24: The Power of Friendship

"Crookshanks!" I yelled "Go get her!" Crookshanks ran and bit Ultimecia on the leg but she kicked him off and he ran away. "Drat!" I shouted. Peeta picked up a rock and threw it at her and it hit in the head and she fell down. We ran to her and we each grabbed one of her limbs and began to pull. She screamed as her joints popped and her skin began to tear and with a giant RIPPP her limbs were torn from her body. Rudolpha pulled out a knife and gutted her, pulling her intestines out. We helped Rudolpha wrap them around Ultimecia's neck as we helped pull on them. Her screams cut off as her neck began to be crushed with some sickening cracks. Her face turned blue as she died, her eyes bulging from her head.

"Great Job Rudolpha!" I yelled and we all high-fived each other and hugged.

"What the hell did you sick bastards do!" yelled a voice. We turned and looked and it was Hans Landa! He was holding a pistol and was aiming it at me. "I have come for you" he said, pointing at Rudolpha. "Oh Harlow, don't let him take me!" she yelled, her yellow eyes were wide with fear and it kind of make me sick. "Rudolpha, I don't know what to do" I said, tears welling in my eyes. Draco and Peeta took action! They shoved Rudolpha towards Hans Landa.

Rudolpha looked at the ground and walked towards him and he grabbed her. "Rudolpha! I'm sorry" I sobbed. I couldn't have done anything! He had a gun! But I had to save Rudolpha!

"Take me instead!" I yelled suddenly. Hans Landa laughed and shoved Rudolpha to the ground. I ran to him and stood next to him and Rudolpha 'There!" I shouted. "Let her go!"

Hans Landa smirked at me and pulled out a switch "No" he said and we teleported!


	25. Chapter 25: Captured!

Chapter 25: Captured!

Suddenly we were in a castle! I looked Rudolpha she was crying and had snot dripping out of her nose. It was really gross. "Rudolpha don't cry" I said trying to be reassuring. Hans Landa slapped me across the face "No talking! Do you not know where you are?" I looked around. "It's just a shitty ass castle you shit ass" said Rudolpha. Hans Landa pulled out a gun and put it to Rudolpha's head "Harlow, he's gonna shoot me, what's gonna happen?" she asked, beginning to cry again. 

I jumped on Hans Landa to save the day! The gun fell out of his hands and we rolled around screaming. He said some stuff in German and I couldn't understand it!

"Stop! What is this nonsense!" said a loud booming voice that sounded like a big voice.

I gasped and turned. It was She! And next to her was her second in command Shandra. She was holding a big sword and was pointing it at me.

"I am sorry Mistress" said Hans Landa. Suddenly, She let out a great cry and raised her sword, bringing it down on Rudolpha. She split into two halves which fells to the floor and her innards fell to the floor. It was gross and sad! It smelled like a New York deli!

Our eyes locked and I saw the life leaving her eyes. It was really sad! (If you're crying, I'm sorry!) I held her hand and kissed it, it tasted like grease and kosher salt. She gave me a look that let me know that she wanted me to win so that our world would be safe. And then she went all limp and stuff and died. I cried for like 5 minutes.

"Why did you do this She?" I asked, pointing at her and making my angry face (If you want to know what it looks like, look in a mirror and wrinkle your forehead and scrunch up your nose! Isn't it ANGRY?) She took a step back, because my angry face must have scared her. "She was of no use to us anymore. We were only going to kidnap her in order to bring you here, and I see Hans Landa already did that. Thus, we has no use for the slick turd you call Rudolpha."

"She wasn't a turd!" I yelled. "She was my friend!" She let out a loud womanly laugh, her big boobs shook as she laughed a loud womanly laugh. "She was worthless, and she allowed us to finally capture you. You are the key to this whole thing, you know."

I gasped! I didn't know that! I tried to act as if they didn't surprise me "Yeah, I knew that" I said, scoffing all disconcerned.

"Then you know that whoever has you, has the power in this struggle for good vs. evil." "Yeah, I knew that" I said, scoffing again.

"So now, we have the power, which means the forces of good will soon be trampled underneath my feet".

Shandra laughed like an annoying shit.

I didn't know what to do! I had to get out and find the Hero Squad, they would know what to do, because I sure didn't!.

"Take her to the dungeons, put her in with the other prisoners" She said, giving a wave of her big beefy arm.

Big strong women grabbed me and carried me into the dungeon and threw me into a cell and locked the door. I looked around, there were people in the cells. Most of them were sleeping on piles of hay. Then I heard someone trying to get my attention. I looked at a cell across the room and I gasped. It was Rachel Berry and Lady Gaga!


	26. Chapter 26: Ketterberry Gaga

Chapter 26: Ketterberry Gaga

"Rachel Berry and Lady Gaga!" I yelled. Lady Gaga looked at me, her irises expanding to fill her whole eye before going back to normal size.

Rachel Berry leaned forward and whispered "We need to get out of here. We've been locked up for a few days now and I'm afraid they're going to kill us". Lady Gaga nodded, smoke coming out of her ears.

"I don't know what to do, I can't cut through these bars". I said, annoyed. Suddenly, Lada Gaga turned into pink and purple smoke and the whole room smelled like strawberries and blood. The smoke went through the bars and turned back into Lada Gagy. She stuck out her finger and her fingernail extended into the lock and she began to pick it.

Soon we were free and began to sneak through the castle. Suddenly we saw a guard! "Oh no, if this keeps up, I'll never make it to Regionals on time" said Rachel Berry. Lady Gaga patted Rachel Berry on the shoulder reassuringly before approaching the guard. The big hairy woman raised her sword, but Lady Gaga raised her disco stick and there was a flash! When the light was gone, all that remained was a pile of ashes and hair.

Rachel Berry let out a long high note in celebration of the victory.

Soon we found a room with a locked door. We heard pacing and someone speaking in German. "This is Hans Landa's room" I said. We all nodded before we kicked the door down. He screamed as we stomped in the room. Rachel Berry let out a high note and shattered all of the glass in the room, she picked up a shard and jabbed it into his throat.

Lady Gaga got so excited she turned into an egg!

We stood there and watched him scramble around the room, making a loud gurgling noise as he bled out. Soon he got too weak and fell to the ground and we began to stomp on his head until it looked like we were kicking around some ground chuck.

"Now we have to get out of here" I said and we all nodded. We soon found a large entrance hall and was just about to open the door when we heard "You cannot leave!"

It was She and her group of big manly women! Shandra ran up to us, holding a sword. Lady Gaga snapped her finders and was suddenly wearing the orbit! It's edges were sharp and shiny and she began to spin around, darting across the room, cutting the legs off of the huge beefy wenches! They let out loud sounds that sounded like a moose as they fell to the ground.

Soon, it was just the three of us and She and Shandra. "Kill them Shandra!" yelled She. Rachel Very Berry pulled some throwing stars out of her pocket and hurled them at Shandra, they stuck into her face and blood shot out. Shandra fell to the ground.

She roared and jumped at us! She swung her sword but Lady Gaga blocked it with her discro stick. Lady Gaga was so angry, her head was spinning around her and sparks shot out of her fingers. She jumped back, swinging her sword around. Rachel threw some stars at She, but She was able to dodge them. I found a rock on the ground and threw it at She, but She was able to dodge it. Lady Gaga threw poison at She, but she was not able to dodge it. She let out a scream as her face began to get all wonky and eventually it fell off, leaving a screaming skull as she flailed around before falling to the ground. Lady Gaga picked up She's face and put it on hers.

We all danced before leaving the castle!


	27. Chapter 27: Tyra Bolts

Chapter 27:Tyra Bolts

When we left She's castle, we were in this mountainy area that had no trees or grass! "We need to find Sailor Moon" said Rachel Berry. Lady Gaga nodded as her nose grew and shrank. "That's right!" I said.

"But how do we get out of here? I've never been in this area before" I said, looking around and the mountainy area that had no trees or grass. Lady Gaga reached into her DISCO POCKET and pulled out a small piano and set it on the ground. She wriggled her nose and suddenly it grew into a full sized piano! We all climbed on top and it began to fly! "Wow Lady Gaga! You had a flying piano in your pants." I said all excited like. Lady Gaga smiled and waved her hand, creating a rainbow in the sky. I frowned at it.

We were flying around when we say a giant robot! It was stomping around a desert, crushing a small village! "Lady Gaga, Rachel Berry, we need to stop that!" I whispered, pointing at the robot.

As we got closer, me and Rachel Berry gasped! The robot was a giant version of Tyra Banks! As we got closer, we heard a loud, staticy voice as the person inside spoke. It was Tyra Banks! "Leave ME alone. TY am going to crush this town because they wouldn't make ME mayor. Me Me Me!" "Leave them alone Tyra Banks!" I shouted as the robot smashed a house with its big foot.

When we got even closer, we saw that the robot's massive forehead was see-through and we saw Tyra inside, operating levers and pushing buttons. "I see you Tyra!" I shouted. "It's no use, TY can't be stopped!" yelled Tyra into a microphone. Lady Gaga looked at us and puked on the piano before jumping through the glass of the massive, big-ass forehead. Over the robot's speaker, we heard Lady Gaga and Tyra Banks fighting with some screams by Miss J and Jay Manuel. "We have to try and stop the robot form the outside while Lady Gaga distracts her" said Rachel Berry. I nodded and I piloted the piano towards the robot's gigantic black ass. "We need to cut its legs off" I told Rachel Berry. Rachel Berry pulled out her lightsaber and held it between her teeth "I can take care of that, you go help Lady Gaga" she said as she leaped from the piano and latched onto the robot, swinging her lightsaber to hack through the metal. I flew up to the forehead and jumped inside. Tyra and Lady Gaga were rolling on the floor "Bitch, let go of my weave!" Tyra yelled as Lady Gaga kneed her in the tit. Before I could get to them, Whitney tried to stop me, blocking me with her big fat gut. "You shouldn't have won!" I screamed as I kicked her in the stomach, causing her to fall back onto some machinery where she was electrocuted, making the room smell like bacon and undeserved fame.

I pulled out my magic super ray gun and aimed it at Tyra "Give it up Tyra, we have you outnumbered" "No, that's unpossible! TY can never lose!" she said, bobbing her head back and forth. Lady Gaga kicked her in the back of the knees, causing her to fall to the floor. Suddenly, the room chifted and we began to fall. Rachel Berry must have cut the legs off the robot. Before I could adjust, Tyra pounced on me! "TY'm gonna kill you!" she said. Lady Gaga had a look of horror on her face, her lips turning around so they were a frown. Soon the robot crashed to the ground, crushing what remained of the town. "TY am God! How could you defy me!" Tyra screamed. "Shake ya body off me bitch!" I yelled, kicking Tyra in the stomach, getting her off me as she vomited.

Rachel jumped into the robot "Guys, we have to go, the robots about to-" then, the robot exploded!


	28. Chapter 28: The HUGE Battle!

Chapter 28: The HUGE Battle!

I thought I was going to die! I expected to see Jesus taking me into heaven and casting Lady Gaga into Hell, but instead Lady Gaga suddenly created a giant disco ball force field around me and Rachel Berry and herself. We could see through the field and we say Tyra on the ground, screaming as her skin was burnt from her body until there was nothing left but a charred skeleton with a forehead big enough to fit another face on it. We started running in the forcefield like my pet hamster Zachariah in his hamster ball and we were able to move out of the wreckage of the Tyra Bot. Lady Gaga removed the forcefield and fell to the ground, tired. She was tired tired that her colors faded and she became black and white!

We stood there, letting Lady Gaga recover. Me and Rachel Berry looked around. "I don't know where to go now" I said. "We need to find Sailor Moon and the rest of the United Associated Heroes Organization." "I never heard of UAHO" I said. "Well, you joined the battle pretty late" Rachel Berry said. "That's probably why the Collective United Negative Taskforce are out to get you, since you're the key to this whole battle" she said.

I nodded.

Then, we saw a black shadow flying over us. It was Voldemort. He didn't seem to notice us as he flew ahead. "Something must be going on" I said. Rachel Berry gasped. "There's a very important energy center nearby!" she yelled. I screamed "Oh No, if the villains get that, we're in trouble. "Lady Gaga, morph into a tandem bicycle!" Rachel Berry shouted. Lady Gaga nodded and transformed. As we rod along on Lady BikeBike, Rachel sang "A Bicycle Built for Two". Soon we saw the battle, it was huge. I saw Sailor Moon and the Powerpuff Girls fighting some of the villains. Voldemort was flying around, shooting lasers from his hands while Sailor Moon was fighting Crystal and Nomi all at once! "We need to help!" said Rachel Berry. But before we could do anything, a force flew us off the bike. "I don't think so" said an evil voice that sounded very evil. I screamed when I saw who it was.

It was...Darth Vader!


	29. Chapter 29: The HUGE Battle! Part 2!

Author's Note: I'm so glad that I have so many views, but someone recently wrote a review that said that my story was like a preppy My Immortal. First of all, I'm not preppy! My family isn't even the richest in town, so that comment doesn't make sense to me! And I didn't know what My Immortal was, I thought it was a song by this one band but I looked it up and its also a really bad fanfiction. That comment really hurt my feelings and my fanfiction is nothing like that! My fanfiction isn't about doom and gloom, it's about life, life, and the presence of Jesus in your life. So if you have something NICE to say, please write a review because I want to see just how well I'm doing with my fanfiction! XOXO Harlow

Chapter 29: The HUGE Battle Part 2

"Darth Vader!" I screamed. Before I get get up, Rache Berry was already pulling her lightsaber out."Lady Gaga, take Harlow out of her, we musn't let her fall into the hands of evil" Lady Gaga nodded and sang "Just A Closer Walk with Thee". Rachel ran at Darth Vader! I heard lightsaber sounds like wrrrr and woosh as they fought! "Rachel Berry! Be Careful" I screamed as Lady Gaga lifted me over her head and started running towards the HUGE battle. We ran past Lizzie McGuire fighting with Maleficent. "Harlow!" screamed Sailor Moon as she was fighting Crystal and Nomi "You're alive!"

"But not for long!" screamed Crystal, shooting a bullet at me, which Lady Gaga deflected with her disco stick. Before we could help Sailor Moon The Wicked Witch of the West jumped at me. Lady Gaga grabbed her and threw her to the ground and the two began to fight. I pulled out my Super Ultimate Combo Plus Ray Gun and aimed it at Nomi but I had my own battle to fight because Annie Wilkes tackled me. "You cockadoodie bitch!" she yelled as she slapped me across the face. I flicked her in the nose, sending her flying to the ground. "You're evil!" I shouted, pointing my gun at her. "I have to vanquish you for the forces of good"

Before I could pull the trigger, she flew a typewriter at me! I was able to duck and avoid it. "Eat that you space bitch" Annie yelled, being all gross and licking her lips. "I'm going to put you out of your Misery!" I yelled as I shot her in the head, causing it to explode like a balloon filled with V8 and chicken livers. I wiped my forehead. I was tired!

I aimed my gun at Nomi, prepared to finally finish her off and I did! I pulled the trigger and it hit her in the boob! It exploded and she grabbed at her wounded tit "Bitch!" she yelled, running away, sand sticking to her greased, naked body. "Thanks Harlow, that makes things easier!" said Sailor Moon, plucking Crystal's eyes out of her head.

There was so much fighting going on! Hannah Montana was fighting Ratigan, E.T was fighting Nurse Ratched, and Marry Poppins was fighting King Kong! So much fighting and violence!

I had to put an end to this war!


	30. Chapter 30: The Release

Chapter 30: The Release

I looked through all of the people fighting and I saw that at the center there was a stone circle with a giant floating crystal! This must be the energy center! I started running through the fighting heroes and villains, trying not to pay attention when I saw someone getting killed or hurt. Soon I was right by the crystal, but before I could touch it, someone tackled me to the ground. It was Bellatrix!

"Oi, yew must be 'at 'Arlow gel!" She yelled, raising her wand and pointing it at me. I smacked it away and it flew into the sand "Bloody 'ell. I've gotta find summat to kill yoo wif" she said, grabbing a knife out of her pocket.

I screamed, I didn't know what to do! She lunged at me, but I was able to jump out of the way and shove her to the ground. "I'm gonna kill yoo I am" she said, rising and running at me again. I grabbed her arm and flipped her, sending her falling onto the stone, making a loud smacking noise. I stomped on her face and it broke her nose! Blood started pouring out and I kept stomping as she screamed. "Gerrof me yoo bloody 'oodlum" she screamed before my foot smashed her skull in, coating my shoe with her brains.

I jumped up to grab the crystal and when I did, it exploded! A loud noise made me deaf! I could only hear a ringing as I was suddenly in a completely different place. Everything was white, and bright! I looked around and I couldn't see anything or anyone.

"Hello? Is anyone there?"

"Child, do you know what you have done?" said a soft, beautiful voice. "No" I answered. "You have struck a great blow against the force of evil, because you have freed me"

"Who are you?" I asked. My question was answered as soon as the figure materialized in front of me.

I gasped, I couldn't believe my eyes, surely this person was very high up in UAHO, they had to be!

It was….Sarah Palin.


	31. Chapter 31: Sarah Palin vs Voldemort

Chapter 31: Sarah Palin vs. Voldemort

We were back in the desert! And the fighting was still going on, but I didn't have to worry, because I had Sarah Palin with me. She was wearing a red business suit with a pencil skit and she was wearing glasses and had brown hair and she was from Alaska.

She raised her hand and suddenly the desert turned into a giant frozen ice cold land! I couldn't believe it! Everyone stopped fighting and looked at us.

"Whoever is leading this assault of villainy, make thyself known" she said authoritatively. Everyone began to back away, but a figure walked towards us. It was Voldemort!

"Thy shall do battle with me, foul wench" said Voldemort, tossing his long, greasy hair. "Aye, indeed we shall see who walketh away unscathed" said Sarah Palin.

I stood there, not able to believe what was happening. Voldemort pointed his wand and a big green ball of energy flew at Sarah Palin! She jumped into the air, forming giant icicles in her hands and hurling them at Voldemort! He dodged them!

Voldemort waved his wand and created small babies in the air. He hurled them up into the sky. Oh No! Sarah Palin was pro-life! She had to save the babies! "What foul trickery!" she yelled, jumping up into the air. I thought she wouldn't be able to do it, but she did! She flew through the air, gently grabbing the infants and with a snap of her fingers caused them to teleport to a safe place. She landed on the ground and gave Voldemort an angry look that looked just like my angry look!

His eyes widened and he took a step back.

"Oh Frigid Winds of the Icy Realm Alaska, Grant me Your Power to Vanquish my Foe!" Sarah Palin yelled, pointing her hands at Voldemort. A sudden cold wind began to shoot at Voldemort, small ice crystals appeared in it, cutting his skin! His feet seemed frozen in place as the ice shards grew larger until the constant barrage began to tear at his skin! Soon, there was nothing but a naked, skinless Voldemort corpse! Blood poured from his flayed body, pooling under him until his body turned a bloodless white. Sarah Palin and I groaned like Marnie in heat humping a dog in heat.

"Tom Riddle me this, Sarah Palin. What's white, dead, and is going to hell?" I asked.

"Voldemort" she said. We both laugh, highfived and snorted like goobers.

"And now, I musteth leaveth you know, sweet Harlow" said Sarah Palin.

"But Sarah Palin, why?"

"Because I must take my spot at the Counsel, to head the assault against the forces of evil, but you must continue fighting, to save us all."

And with that, she disappeared!


	32. Chapter 32: Ice to Beat You

Chapter 32: Ice to Beat You

I wiped by forehead.

"Harlow, I'm so cold, oh my Gawd" said Rudolpha. I turned to look at her. She was naked and buried up to her neck in snow. I tossed a fireball at the snow, melting it, leaving Rudolpha naked, blue and shivering. "I'm gawnna freeze, it's so damn cold, I swear".

"Rudolpha, we need to go and stop this war. I don't want any more people to die" I said. Rudolpha nodded, her lips purple. We walked along the snow, trying to find a place for Rudolpha to warm herself, but she kept complaining. "I think my toe fell off back thera, oh my gawd, this is so shitty" she would whine.

Suddenly, I heard a loud voice. I jumped and turned around. It was Chaz Bono!

"Give me all your money!" he yelled, waving a gun. "I don't have any money, or clothes, ya big goon" said Rudolpha. Chaz let out a roar and punch Rudolpha in the chest, shattering her into a million icy shards.

Our eyes locked and I saw the life leaving her eyes. It was really sad! (If you're crying, I'm sorry!) I held her hand and kissed it, it tasted like grease and kosher salt. She gave me a look that let me know that she wanted me to win so that our world would be safe. And then she went all limp and stuff and died. I cried for like 5 minutes.

"Hey, that wasn't very nice!" I shouted, aiming my ray gun at him, but he punched it away with a meaty fist. I gasped, I didn't know what to do, but dodge his massive punch. He slid and fell on the ice, leaving a crack in it. I had an idea! I took a big stick and threw it at the crack, widening it! I then tosses a fireball at Chaz's feet, making him jump to avoid it! It cracked the ice and he fell into the cold depths. He tried to swim out, grabbing the ice, but I would kick his hand away, watching his skin lose its color and then become blue. He would beg and plead, but I just laughed until he finally let out a death gurgle and sank below the depths. I raised my fists in the air, I had won!


	33. Chapter 33: An Old Friend

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Chapter 33: An Old Friend

I walked along the frozen tundra and then I heard a familiar voice!

"Don't you put your hands on me!"

I ran towards the voice, and I was right! It was Beyonce and she was fighting Omarosa and Medusa!

"Heeeey, you guys leave Beyonce alone!" I yelled. Medusa turned and looked at me, we stared at each other for a few moments before I gave her my angry look. She let out a scream and turned into stone!

"Bitch, help me kill this slut!" Beyonce yelled, keeping Omarosa at bay with a switch blade. I grabbed a rock on the ground and threw it at Omarosa, she dodged, but Beyonce took the opportunity to stab Omarosa in the throat and we watched her bleed out on the ice. "You don't tussle with Sasha Fierce and live to tell the tale, bitch" said Beyonce as she looked at Omarosa twitching body.

"Beyonce, I'm so glad to see you!" I shouted and we both hugged each other, Beyonce smelled so good! She smelled like Curious, Britney Spears' perfume!

"Where is the rest of the hero squad?" I asked. "Damned if I know, gurl. We were separated by those little people and I ain't see hide nor hair of them" Beyonce said, patting her weave.

"Well, I'm sure if we team up, we can find them" I said, nodding to let Beyonce know that I meant what I was saying when I said that I was sure that we could find the Hero Squad if we were to team up.

"Let's hope so, there's some evil shit going on, that's for damn sure."

And off we went!


	34. Chapter 34: Fighting Amongst Friends

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Chapter 34: Fighting Amongst Friends

"Halow, I shit you know, I'm really scared that she's gonna rob me" said Rudolpha pointing at Beyonce who promptly raised her hand to try and slap Rudolpha. Rudolpha let out a scream and jumped. "See, she's so violent, I'm like so scared. I don't want to be turned into a lampshade!" Rudolpha began to cry and pull on my arm. "Come on, let's go. We can leave her, she can take care of yourself, I'm sure she has a bullet hole-ridden car somewhere".

I frowned. "Rudolpha! No. We are not leaving Beyonce, she is my friend and she is a fierce warrior."

"Preach it, sister" said Beyonce, raising her hand.

"Fine, stay here, but when I get shanked and she steals my fancy new clogs, I'm gonna punch you in the tit" Rudolpha sassed, raving her arms around while coins fell out of her pockets, leading to her scrambling on the ice to pick them up, falling over.

"I'm about to snatch this bitch" said Beyonce. "I'm gonna bust her teef in with my Parada heel".

"Beyonce please, Rudolpha is almost my friend. I would hate for someone to kill her. I would probably be so sad I couldn't stop crying for days because I would hate to think of her burning in hell." I pleaded.

"You are not gonna hurt me, you nasty whore" said Rudolpha, twitching her nose. "If you lay a hand on me I will sue you so fast your weave will fall out."

Beyonce narrowed her eyes and I heard the angry music from Kill Bill "I should shit in your mouth" she spat.

Rudolpha gasped and began to do a weird angry dance and every so often she would fart.

Beyonce pulled out a gun and pointed it at Rudolpha "Don't. Try. Me. Bitch."

I wanted to cry, I had to stop this fight!


	35. Chapter 35: A Fight Delayed

Chapter 35: A Fight Delayed

Before I could try to stop them, I heard a noise! We all jumped and turned and we saw goth kids and heavy metal kids!

"Devil worshippers!" I screamed, turning to run, Beyonce and Rudolpha behind me. Rudolpha kept whining and making little bitch noises and I wished she would just die so I wouldn't have to hear her shitty-ass voice ANYMORE!

I heard the evil kids singing their devil praise songs and I ran as hard as I could, I didn't want to get caught by them. "They're gaining on us!" shouted Beyonce. We dove into a cave and Beyonce pulled out her long bedazzled ghetto sword. "We make our stand here, bitches" said Beyonce, whipping her hair back and forth.

I pulled out my super ray gun and Rudolpha pulled out some crappy knife that was like only 2 inches long. "You can't hurt anyone with that damn nub" said Beyonce, flashing her grillz. "If I do my best, then I won't have any regrets" said Rudolpha.

Beyonce glared at Rudolpha "If I get cut because yo damn swiss army knife couldn't kill one of these bastards, you damn well best do yo best to run from be because Imma cut yo legs off and shove them up yo ass until you can floss yo teef with yo shoelaces"

"Shut up, you're mean! They're coming!" Rudolpha honked.

Soon, the emo and metal head heathens were running to the cave. Beyonce was cutting them down with her bootylicious sword while I was shooing at them with my gun. Rudolpha waved her knife at one emo, but he punched her in her ample gut and sent her falling to the floor, crying. I shot him in the head and groaned as his face turned to ash.

We kept this up for a few minutes, every so often one would break through and kick Rudolpha in the head, but I would kill them before they could do any more damage. Soon the floor of the cave was soaked with blood and we were all splattered with it like we were in a french fry and ketchup fight minus the french fries.

"Damn, that was intense" said Beyonce bebopping her head. Rudolpha just whined from the floor, her head dented a bit from the kicks.

"Rudolpha, get up, we need to get moving" I said, nudging her with my foot. Rudolpha puked and it smelled like brisket and unleavened bread. "Gross!" I yelled. "Come on Beyonce, let's go. Rudolpha's being a little shit!"

And we left!


	36. Chapter 36: The Unbearable Twilightness

Chapter 36: The Unbearable Twilightness of Being

Rudolpha finally caught up to us, she was all staggering and mumbling, her tongue was swollen and was hanging out of her mouth. It was gross!

We walked into a clearing and I almost screamed. It was Edward Cullen! And he was fighting with Jacob (Jacob is gross ok! He's such a creeper). And Bella was sitting on a log, seeming bored and absent.

Jacob was wearing a headdress and was throwing tomahawk around and making weird noises while clapping over his mouth. It was gross and ethnic! Edward just stood there looking beautiful and sexily. I made mouth shapes at him and he winked at me! I moaned like a fat kid eating a sandwich.

Before I could say anything to him, Jacob shot at him with a bow and arrow. Edward grabbed the arrow in midair and snapped it with his perfect hand-holdable hands. Jacob said something in a funny language that was probably gibberishy and stupid in the first place and turned into an ugly smelly dog.

"Edward, look out!" I screamed. Rudulpha said something but it was muffled by her tongue and made as much sense at Jacob's dumb made up language.

Edward jumped into the air, his skin sparkling like a diamond in a box made out of diamond and covered in glitter. I pulled out my ray gun! I had to help Edward!

I shot at Jacob but he dodged and began to run at me instead! I screamed, but Edward jumped on Jacob at the last minute. He punches through his chest and pulled out his heart! "Oh Edward" I screamed. He handed Jacob's heart to me and I ate it. It stated like maize.

Rudolpha's face turned purple and she started vomiting.

Me and Edward started looking at eachother, I got all moist and leaned in for a kiss when Bella screamed and got off her log "Hey, he's mine!" she yelled.

Beyonce flashed some gang signs "Back off, cracker bitch".

Suddenly, Belly pulled out a gun!


	37. Chapter 37: Bella's Got a Gun

Chapter 37: Bella's Got a Gun

Bella had a gun! I screamed and slapped it out of her hands.

She gave me a mean look that made her look like she was a poor person. "I'm going to kill you, Edward is mine!"

She jumped at me, but Edward grabbed her and threw her to the ground. "No Bella, I see you are no longer the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. Harlow here has taken my heart, it is no longer yours."

Bella let out a moose-like croak and began to scratch on the ground and cry. "Let's go Edward, let's leave her to the life of misery she so deserves". We all nodded and began to walk away. Rudolpha said something that didn't make any sense, her tongue was purple.

As we walked away we kept hearing Bella scream like a baby in a microwave that was being lowered into a volcano in hell. Beyonce pulled out a little car. She whispered some magic words that sounded like something in a rap video and the car began to grow and everyone got into it. I looked at the car, people were sitting in the front seat and the backseat and I didn't know which seat to take.

I didn't know what to do!


	38. Chapter 38:Sasha Fierce's Base

Chapter 38: Sasha Fierce's Base

"Beyonce" I said. "Where are we going?"

"We're headin' to my base, gonna see if there's anything there that will help us." She said, dancing to the music as she drove.

Rudolpha fell asleep, her head smelled bad and flies were collecting on it. Edward and I began to make out, I sat on his lap and did stripper things to him because he was so hot.

Soon we started driving through a city. The buildings looked old and dirty, it seemed like it was the ghetto! People were walking around wearing bandanas and their pants were hanging down past their butts!

Beyonce hit a speed bump and cursed. Rudolpha woke up and looked around. "Oh my Gawd, are we in hell?"

"Rudolpha, that's rude" I said, putting Edward's hand up my shirt.

"Harlow, I'm not shitting you. We're gonna get robbed or turned into someone's love slave. I ain't doing that again, I swear." Rudolpha complained.

"Shut yo ass up!" said Beyonce as we pulled into a dark alley. "Oh My God, this is it, this is where I'm gawnna die." Rudolpha cried.

Suddenly, what looked like a dead end with a dumpster lowered into the ground and there was a tunnel leading down into the ground. "Oh No, this much we where they take the girls to be trained for obedience. They don't feed you Harlow! They just hit you with sticks until you do whatever they tell you to do! And I mean WHATEVER! Dogs, little kids, anything!" Rudolpha waved her hands around, honking and crying.

Edward and I were kissing and looking into eachother's eyes when we pulled into the underground garage. Beyonce got out and began to look through different rooms. Everything else stayed in the car and kicked it in the front seat and sitting in the backseat. Soon Beyonce returned with a glowing ball. "What is that, Beyonce?" I asked.

Beyonce grinned "This will wipe out an entire city, which is exactly what we're going to do."


	39. Chapter 39: Beyonce Commits Genocide

Chapter 39: Beyonce Commits Genocide

Rudolpha let out a gurgle and a groan, a groagle. "Beyonce, won't that kill a lot of people?"

"I don't give a damn" she said, stomping the yard. "But Beyonce, that's wrong". Said Edward in a voice that was so musical it sounded like a little man was playing a piano under his tongue.

"Look, we need to take an enemy base to cripple their forces. It's gotta get dun gurl" she said seriously.

"I suppose that's true. Let's go find an enemy city to bomb". I said and everyone nodded. Even Edward!

Beyonce got into her car and turned it into airplane mode and soon we were flying around, looking for a city. Soon, we heard laughter and other sounds of happiness. We came across a big city and there seemed to be a celebration! There were amusement park rides and people laughing and having fun.

"This is it" said Beyonce, looking as serious as a heart attack. She handed me the glowing ball. "Drop it" she said to me. "But Beyonce, it just seems like people are having a fair and having fun" I said. Rudolpha started crying and twitching.

"Drop it, it's fake, it's a disguise! The people are all robots!" Beyonce screamed.

She grabbed the ball from my hands "ROBOTS!" she yelled as she hurled it down onto the city. Soon the entire city was engulfed in the explosions and everything went silent as the city was destroyed beneath us. When the explosion was gone, there was a giant crater.

"Let's get outta here, the radiation is gonna be real bad, and I ain't growing a third tit or some shit".

We flew away, too afraid to say anything.


	40. Chapter 40: Sasha Fake!

Chapter 40: Sasha Fake!

"Beyonce" I said all serious-like. "We should stop. I don't know if we did the right thing."

Beyonce turned to me and bobbed her head back and forth "Of course it was right, bitch! We had to kill them, we had to kill them all. I want to just blow them up, kill them all!"

I made a worried look on my face, like when my mom sees my dad come home drunk. Beyonce was scaring me. I didn't know what was going on.

Rudolpha made a gurgling noise in the backseat, her eyes seemed to be popping out of her sockets, some blood was dribbling out of her ears and nose. "Rudolpha, you're so gross" I yelled, turning to make out with Edward.

Beyonce started saying crazy things and swerving the car in the sky. We almost hit a cloud.

"Beyonce, calm down!" I shouted. "I ain't calming down you dumbass whore" Beyonce sassed.

I gasped, this was not the Beyonce that was my friend! "What happened to you?" I yelled. I reached at Beyonce and grabbed her nose and tugged on it and her face came off!

I was holding a Beyonce mask. I looked up and it was Megatron!

"You!" I yelled, pointing at Megatron. Edward gasped and Rudolpha vomited.

"Yes, it's me" said Megatron, tossing her hair. "We about to have a duel to the deaf" she said.

The car started plummeting towards the ground. Me and Megatron started having a swordfight on the hood of the pimped out ride. I needed to stop Megatron and stop the car! Edward watched me all brave, and I knew he was silently cheering me on.

I swung my sword and Megatron and she dodged it. She clawed at my face and I slapped her hand away. "I'm going to stop you!" I shouted, being all brave. Megatron laughed an evil laugh "You think you can stop me? I was able to get you to help me destroy an entire city!"

"Shut up!" I yelled, kicking her in the gut. She oofed and fell down, rolling off the hood. I jumped into the car and steered it up. We barely avoided the ground!

Edward cheered!


	41. Chapter 41: Taken!

Chapter 41: Taken!

Author's Note: I'm sorry that I haven't posted any new chapters in a while. I know my fans probably were wondering "I wonder where Harlow Kettering went!". But I went on a vacation with my family to the grand canyon! It's so amazing to see all of God's creation and know that he has a plan for me in this universe. And BTW Pray for Japan!

I landed Megatron's car in a forest. Rudolpha groaned, she looked like strawberry preserves were coming out of her eyes, nose, and ears.

"Rudolpha, get up! We need to stop the villains."

Our eyes locked and I saw the life leaving her eyes. It was really sad! (If you're crying, I'm sorry!) I held her hand and kissed it, it tasted like grease and kosher salt. She gave me a look that let me know that she wanted me to win so that our world would be safe. And then she went all limp and stuff and died. I cried for like 5 minutes.

Me and Edward held hands and skipped through the forests, our love made birds sing and it made flowers become even more beautiful! Edward sat on a treestump and I did a sexy dance for him like I was a girl in Sucker Punch! Edward made noises!

Before I could finish, a lightning bolt almost hit me. I jumped and screamed!

I turned and looked and it was Yunalesca! She was almost naked! It was sinful!

"Edward, don't look!" I yelled and Edward covered his eyes as I raised my gun.

Yunalesca let out an evil mean laugh "You think you can stop me? I have been sent here to kill you and recruit Edward onto the side of evil."

I gasped! Edward gasped! "He'll never join you!" I yelled, shooting at her, but she dodged it in a slinky way that was abominable in the eyes of God.

"I'll kill you bitch and shit on your brain!" I yelled, taking another shot at her.

Yunalesca jumped in the air and landed next to Edward, wrapping her BARE ARMS around him. His eyes got all wide and before I could do anything, they disappeared!

"NOOOOOOOOO! SHIT!" I cried, falling to the ground and sobbing! Edward was gone! He was taken from me! I needed to save him!


	42. Chapter 42: Alone

Chapter 42: Alone

I didn't know what to do so I cried. I cried until I had tears coming out of my eyes! I was so sad!

"Hello there little girl" said a gross voice. I turned and it was Count Olaf! He was gross and perverted! He was leering at me and licking his lips while taking his pointer finger and poking it and out of a circle he made with his other pointer finger and thumb!

He had a big wet stain on the front of his pants and he had boogers in his nose! He smelled like shit, piss, and underwear!

"Ya perv!" I yelled, sticking my middle finger up at him. He just laughed and stuck his tongue out at me through a V he made with his fingers.

He jumped on me and started rubbing his moist body against me. It was gross!

"No means no!" I shouted as he started licking in my ear.

He didn't say anything, he just breathed really hard as I struggled to get him off me. He started trying to take my shirt off and I slapped him in the face. He gave me a mean look and took of his shirt, grabbing my hair and shoving it into his chest hair! It was matted and crusty and I almost puked!

I shoved my fingernails into his skin and he let out a scream and I was able to scramble out from under him. He gave me a disgusting smile and pretended to do dirty things to the air while I watched in horror.

"Come here sweet thing" he said, stroking over his chest. I started crying, my shirt was torn and smelled like dirty old man. I picked up a big stick and walked to Count Olaf.

"That stick ain't got nothin' on me" he said as I smashed the branch into his face. He fell to the ground and I kept smashing his face in until I scooped his brains up in my hand and threw them against a tree, splattering them against the bark. I let out an anguished cry. Where was Edward!


	43. Chapter 43: A Watery Adventure!

Chapter 43: A Watery Adventure!

I went to a lake to try and wash the dirty old man stink off of me. I jumped in, not taking my clothes because I didn't want to be impure. I made sure my tail was strapped down before sitting on the rocks to rest.

Suddenly a mermaid swam up. She had long beautiful hair that was wet with water. She was wearing a beautiful three piece pant suit. "Fair child, what brings you to our waters?" she asked, her voice sounding very Atlantisian.

"I needed to clean myself." I said, trying not to cry when I thought about Count Olaf and his horrible, carnal actions.

The mermaid, who had the same skin color as Beyonce rolled her eyes. "Well, of course, bitch. I can see that, I ain't no retard."

I gasped "You are a rude mermaid" I said, glaring at her. She tossed her dookie braids "I don't give a good goddamn. My name is Arielandria and I'm supposed to take you wif me to my dad's crib under da water."

"I don't think I can swim that well" I said, trying to ignore her horrible ethnic way of speaking.

The mermaid laughed and snorted. "I can make special bubbles that will surround yo ass and let you breath under water. It's krazy koo, the stuff that I do."

She began to chant and waved her hands excitedly as if she had found some extra food stamps or a crack rock. Suddenly a large bubble appeared on the surface. "Jump in it, bitch and we can be on our way."

I jumped into the bubble, expecting it to pop but instead I sunk into it and began to go underwater, but I could breath!

I began to swim behind the mermaid. I was in for a crazy adventure!


	44. Chapter 44: Under the Sea

2

Chapter 44: Under the Sea!

I was swimming with the mermaid, water was all around my bubble. I saw lots of weird creature and plants, it was amazing!

Suddenly we saw a giant castle! It was big and coraly! I had never seen anything so beautiful that wasn't in a mirror.

"This my crib" said the mermaid, pointing to the castle.

"Are you a princess?" I asked, amazing.

She rolled her eyes and bobbed her hear "No, I'm the maid. Of course I'm the princess, bitch".

I ignored her wretchedness and swam towards the castle. I knocked on the door and the maid answered. I walked in, and the bubble popped! I gasped for breath, but the castle was filled with air. "The king would like to see you" said the servant, bowing. Arielandria soon came into the room, shaking out her nappy braids.

"I am supposed to see your father" I said, wrinkling my nose at her ethnic smell.

She flicked the piercing in her nose. It was gross and make me want to vomit. "Why do you think I was sent to bring you, bitch?" she said, break dancing and yelling at the movie playing on the TV.

I walked into the throne room. It was so beautiful. It was covered in gold and silver and diamonds and rubies and emeralds and sapphires and cubic zirconium and garnets, and opals and zoisite and malachite and amber and platinum and jade and jasper!

The king was sitting on a giant throne! It was covered in gold and silver and diamonds and rubies and emeralds and sapphires and cubic zirconium and garnets, and opals and zoisite and malachite and amber and platinum and jade and jasper!

He had long white hair and skin the color of mine. He was holding a big fork! "Harlow Kettering" he said when I walked in. I did a little twirl "Yes, I am Harlow Kettering" I said. He smiled at me and then frowned when Arielandria entered the room.

"Get out of here, whorechild!" he yelled, wrinkling his nose at her smell. Her eyes filled up with tears.

The king looked at me. "Her mother was a whore."

I laughed and pointed at the rude mermaid. "Then you shouldn't be a princess! Princesses don't slither out of a whore's filth!"

"Yes, you're right" said the king, pointing at Arielandria. "Get out of my castle. You own nothing, I renounce your title."

Arielandra burst into tears and fled. The king and I high-fived and laughed.

"Now on to more serious business" said the king, wiping a laughter tear from his eye.

"There is an enemy base nearby that is pumping poison into the water, trying to destroy my people, and I need you to help us stop them."

I nodded "I will aid you in this endeavor" I said all serious-like.

Just then, a soldier merman ran into the room and fell to the ground "My king, they're attacking the city!" Then he died.

I had to help!


	45. Chapter 45: Battle Under the Sea!

Chapter 45: Battle Under the Sea!

I ran out of the castle and onto the streets, I had to cover my eyes because the sun was so bright!

I saw fighting everywhere, people were running and screaming! Flying above everyone was the Wicked Witch of the West! I ducked behind a mermaid house, not wanting her to see me. Suddenly, I heard an evil laugh! It was Arielandria, she was joining the witch and killing people, shouting horribly ethnic things as she speared a baby on a giant fork!

I gasped, she just forked a baby!

I jumped out from behind the house and aimed my super ultimate combo plus laser at her and fired! She jumped out of the way and the house behind her blew up in a big explosion of fire!

"I'm going to kill you for forking that baby!" I yelled. She just bobbed her head and shuffled towards me like a gangbanger.

"You ruined my life, bitch. And now I'm going to kill you and my father and I'll become da queen!" she rapped at me. I shot at her again and she breakdanced out of the way. The Wicked Witch of the West was laughing at us, flying above us. Arielandria looked up at the witch too, and that's when I shot her in the foot!

She cursed and fell to the ground. I grabbed the fork with the baby speared on it and I rammed it through her neck, pinning her to the ground as she bled out. I watched and felt sexy feelings comes all over my body.

The Wicked Witch flew at me! I jumped out of the way. I had to stop her! Everywhere merpeople and flying monkeys were fighting and people were dying. "I'm going to kill you!" I shouted up at the witch. She just cackled and threw a fireball at me. I dodged it in a graceful way.

I suddenly had an idea. I ran into a merperson house and I grabbed a glass and ran to the sink, filling it with water.

I ran outside and mocked the witch. "Come get me you green twat!" I shouted. She screamed and flew at me. Right before she got to me, I threw the water into her face. She screamed and fell to the ground. Her face was smoking as the water ate away at her skin. I punched he rin the tit was she rolled around, dying. Soon she melted.

I threw my arms up, I had stopped the battle!


	46. Chapter 46: Zombie Mermaid

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Chapter 46: Zombie Mermaid

While I was celebrating my awesome victory I heard a yell. "You ain't done yet, bitch!" it was Arielandria, she had taken the fork out of her neck and was stumping towards me in her ghetto Payless shoes.

"But, you should be dead!" I yelled, sticking up my middle finger at her. She laughed like someone who just found out they were pregnant and was happy because they were going to get bigger welfare checks.

I aimed my gun at her and pulled the trigger. She did a cartwheel out of the way, the beads in her braids making obnoxious noises. She created a fireball in her hand and threw it at me. I was able to roll out of the way, my hair didn't make any ethnic noises.

"You ruined my life you dirty cracker whore, and now I'm going to kill and then kill my dad and Imma Be Imma Be Imma Be queen."

"You'd be a shitty Queen!" I yelled.

She roared with anger and ran at me. I grabbed her greasy shoulder and threw her to the ground. She let out a cry of angriness and sprung to her feet. She held out a switch blade and sliced at me. I shot her in the hand with my ray gun and she screamed, her skin red and burnt.

She grabbed my hair and I grabbed hers and we fell to the ground pulling on eachother's hair. I slapped her across the face, smearing her ugly, heavy make-up. She smelled like tuna and hamburger helper and government assistance.

I was able to throw her off of me and she fell to the ground. I pointed my gun at her. "Now, you die" I said. "For forking that baby!" I was about to pull the trigger when there was a flash of light!

Suddenly, I was in a dungeon and floating on a cloud was Lady Gaga!


	47. Chapter 47: Jesus, Not Judas

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Chapter 47: Jesus, Not Judas

"Lady Gaga! Where are we?" I asked Lady Gaga. She hopped off from her cloud and did a headstand.

"Yunalesca got you too!" I said. She nodded. "Have you seen Edward?" I asked. Lady Gaga's eyes rolled back into her head and there were letters on each eye that said N O.

I let out a cry, I needed to find Edward and fast.

"Lady Gaga, can you get us out of this cell?" I asked. Lady Gaga pulled out her disco stick and cut the bars and we stepped out of the cell. "Thanks Lady Gaga!" I shouted. Lady Gaga's head turned into a Strawberry of Happiness.

I looked into the other cells, and I only saw people who were displeasing in the eyes of God so I left them there to rot. Me and Lady Gaga left the dungeon and were walking up a staircase when we saw Yunalesca talking to a woman with perfect teeth. It was Marissa Wiegler! "Wait Lady Gaga!." I said. Lady Gaga waited and soon the two women left. We entered the room and looked around. Before we could leave, I heard a southern voice. "I thought I smelled something foul". Marissa Wiegler stepped out, holding a gun and pointing it as us.

I didn't know what to do. "Lady Gaga, what are we going to do?" I asked. I could tell Lady Gaga was thinking because her sharp cheekbones started poking out. "Don't make a move Gaga" said Marissa Wiegler, who seemed to realize what was going on.

I shoved Lady Gaga towards Marissa Wiegler and I ran as pulsing trance music seemed to play out of the castle walls. Gunshots hit the bricks nearby as I ran as fast as I could through different corridors. "Stop right there young lady!" I heard Marissa Wiegler yell behind me, a bullet whizzing past my head. I came to an open window. I could see a moat far below.

"Don't even try it." Said Marissa Wiegler, pointing a gun at me, slowly stepping towards me. I looked at her and then I stuck my middle finger up at her as I fell backwards, clutching my hands to my chest as I plummeted. 

"Harlow!" I heard Marissa Wiegler scream as I fell towards the water.

I landed, it hurt! It felt like I was hitting a brick wall. I swam to the surface and I could see Marissa Wiegler's head poking out of a window. I started swimming to the edge of the moat. I sat at the edge and farted, giggling as the bubbles billowed around me. I climbed onto the dry ground and before I could even get up I heard a southern voice. "Don't think pulling that shit with me would work."

I looked up and Marissa Wiegler had a gun pointed right at me!


	48. Chapter 48: Femme Fatale

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Chapter 48: Femme Fatale

Marissa Wiegler looked at me with her southern accent eyes. "Well pardner, I rekon I'ma gonna kill yer"

Suddenly, someone shoved Marissa Weigler into the moat around the castle. She screamed and cursed and failed around and swam and cursed and screamed and yelled and hollered and hootenannied.

I looked and before me stood Britney Spears! She was sweaty and her hair was matted. She wiped her nose on her arm "Y'all, she was about to kill you! That would have been so mean" she wiped her arm off on her skimpy tanktop. "I was traveling with my friend and we saw that mean lady pointed that gun at you" said Britney Spears, bending over to scratch her leg, the button of her asscheeks hanging out of her cut off short jeans.

"Yes, I thought it was sad" said a soft timid, hungry voice. It was Nina Sayers! She was wearing all white and her face looked pure and innocent.

"Will you two aid me in my journey to stop the evil villains?" I asked. Britney farted and nodded her head, her fingers stained orange Nina bowed her head and nodded.

"Great! We can do anything of we work together!" I said, putting my hands over my heart. "Y'all, I worked with people on my VMA performance" said Britney Spears, wiping away a tear.

Nina pointed to the horizon with her foot "I think I heard that the enemy had a base in that direction" she said, sounding sad.

"Then it's settled, we're going to go put an end to that base!" I said, looking at the two.

Britney wiped her fingers through her greasy hair and smelled it "I'm supposed to be takin' care of my kids, but I left a waterbowl out so they should be good for a day or two, y'all".

So we started off on our journey together!


	49. Chapter 49: We're The 3 Best Friends!

Chapter 49: We're The 3 Best Friends!

Author's Note: Sorry fans! It took so long to write this because my family has been preparing for the rapture. And I guess that didn't happen, so I figured why not start writing more of my story for all the millions of people who love it? I'm so happy to be writing again, I think I'm getting a lot better too!

Me, Britney and Nina Sayers were walking away from the castle, laughing and giggling as Britney told us funny stories. "Y'all, she threw a chair out the window!" said Britney, leaving us all laughing and giggling, and honking, and chortling, and howling.

Suddenly, atheists jumped out from behind a tree. They were wearing shirts with upside down crosses on them. They began to smoke marijuana cigarettes rolled with pages from the Bible.

I began to cry at such a horrible sight! Britney stood in front of me "Y'all need to stop that." She said.

"That PISSES me off!" shouted Nina Sayers, a vein popping in her neck and temple. Suddenly, her outfit began to turn black. She was turning into the Black Swan! Huge muscles began to bulge as she grew several feet taller, turning into a giant ballerina!

"What happened to my sweet girl!" I yelled. She looked at me and said in a deep voice like James Earl Jones "She's gone!" she bellowed.

She ran towards the heathens and picked two of them up in her giant hands. She squeezed her fingers into their chests until she pierced their black, cold hearts.

The other tried to flee, but they could not escape Nina's rage! She delivered The Lord's Justice as she picked up a giant rock and smashed in their skulls, sending brain matter flying all of the place. Suddenly, a rainbow appeared in the sky and doves flew towards the clouds as the unholy breathed their last.

Me and Britney bowed before Nina for doing God's work as she began to turn back into the White Swan.

"How did I do?" she asked.

"It was perfect, y'all" said Britney.


	50. Chapter 50: Crack Swan

Chapter 50: The Crack Swan

We walked around, trying to find an enemy base. Britney Spears was telling us about her exciting life. It was exciting!

We sat down to each lunch while Nina Sayers watched. Britney Spears was being silly and put the end of one cheeto in her mouth and had me eat the other end like we were dogs in a movie.

Suddenly a group of hobbits came out from a tree. They looked thing and pale with shadows under their eyes! There was a girl hobbit there and she got onto all fours and took her pants off and we could see her behind! One of the male hobbits took out some white powder and poured it onto her pock-marked butt. They started sniffing it off of her! She giggled as the guys took turns snorting this mystery powder off of her slightly hairy rear that looked like cottage cheese.

"Y'all, that shit is sick" said Britney Spears.

Nina Sayers frowned and looked delicate and sad.

"You nasty piss-ants!" I shouted.

They all looked up at me, even Hobbiterella, the ugly girl hobbit. She stood up, she didn't pull her pants back up! It was gnarly!

"You gotta problem wif us habbing a bit o' fun?" she said, her teeth as yellow as bad teeth.

"What you're doing is wrong!" I said, putting my hand over my heart and feeling earnest.

Hobbiterella ran and jumped at me. "Your vagina smells like butt hair!' I yelled as I grabbed her and threw her to the ground, her rear hit the ground with a bit thud!

"My ass is broken!" she yelled, trying to stand up.

The hobbit junkies pulled out shivs from their pockets made out of toothbrushes and other assorted items that could probably be purchased at your nearest Wal-Mart.

"Oh Shit y'all, they're gonna fight us." Said Britney Spears, eating an artichoke.

I pulled out my ray gun and shot one of the hobbits before they could move. His skin boiled as he fell to the ground writhing, steam coming from his eye sockets.

The hobbits charged! I continued to fire while Nina Sayers pulled out a piece of BORKEN mirror and stabbed one of the hobbits in the stomach 'It's my turn!" she yelled.

Britney Spears tossed her hair at a hobbit, sending him flying to the ground, his head hitting a rock and exploding. I groaned as his brain matter flew into the air like Kirstie Alley in heat eating cheeseburgers watching a Marnie in heat humping a dog in heat.

Soon all of the hobbits were dead except for Hobbittomorolla, unable to get up because her behind was broken.

"Oi, are you gonna finna be killin' me too, cracka?" she said, throwing her piggy fists around.

"No" I said. I covered her in bear food! "The bears will ear you and deliver you to divine judgment" I said. I spit in her face and we left.

"Harlow, you're like, the bravest person I ever did meet, ya'll' said Britney Spears. I smiled!


	51. Chapter 51: A Crazy Surprising Surprise!

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Chapter 51: A Crazy Surprising Surprise!

Author's Note: OMG (Oh my golly, of course, lol (loving our lord)) I'm so sorry to all my fans for not writing anything. Things have been so crazy with school and preparing for my Womanhood Ceremony that I haven't gotten around to answering all of the questions that my fans are asking. I hope you guys love this chapter as much I love my fans!

Me and all my friends were walking through the woods, and suddenly the world began to melt away!

I screamed as the ground and trees began to liquefy and I suddenly found myself falling to a stone floor. Britney Spears looked confused, dazed, and southern.

I looked up and saw a painting that had paint dripping down from it. It looked like the forest we were just in it. I saw someone in a white robe holding an easel. Their back was to use and when they turned around, I gasped.

It was Anne Burrell! Her hair was spikey and offensive to me.

"Hello there. I am Anne, crafter of worlds."

"Oh my golly!" I shouted "What happened?"

"I created the world that you were in, but I decided that you were in too much danger and I decided to draw you out of it in order to share my wisdom with you."

She was stirring a pot of beef stew.

"What happened to where we just was?" asked Britney Spears as Nina stared at the stew.

"Yeah, did everyone just die? My gawd, that would be so crazy" said Rudolpha.

"No" said Anne Burrell, shaking her Indigo Girl shaped head. "I merely created a portal to draw you four here. I must tell you something. Things are not what they seem. You see…"

Suddenly a door flew open, and Kyle McLaughlin stormed in, pointing at Anne. "We must not interfere!" he yelled, shooting a bolt of lighting at Anne, making her hair fall out.

"They must know the truth!" She honked. Rudolpha honked too, grabbing my arm "Harlow, I'm gonna shit myself, this is so crazy." She smelled like a 40 year trip in the desert.

Kyle McLaughlin raised his hand at us "Go! Defeat the villains" A hole opened in the wall that was pink and had hair around it. It sucked up Nina Sayers and Britney Spears. I shoved Rudolpha away and she fell inside, a slurpy sound was made.

"No" yelled Anne, pointing at me, but the big hole began to suck me up "You must know that-" But I was pulled in!


	52. Chapter 52: A Trio!

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Chapter 52: Trio

Author's Note: OMG Readers, I AM SO SORRY for not writing. I got to go to a special God's Children Camp and I was so busy in the sweat lodges and offering up my belongings to the lord that I forgot about all my fans! I'll try to be back! But my life is so SO busy, especially with homeschool starting!

I woke in a field! Rudolpha was laying next to me. She was groaning and writhing in her sleep! "Rudolpha! Wake up!" I yelled. Rudolpha woke up and looked at me. Her yellow eyes were bloodshot and her usual hanging bags looked ever worse. "Ew! Rudolpha, you're such a Scroat-Face!" I said, getting to my feet.

"Harlow" she said in her annoying Rudolpha voice. "Where are we?" She asked, her nose protruding from her face like a giant dick.

"Woah Baby!" said a voice. I looked up and I saw the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. She was wearing rainbow patchwork leggings that went all the way up her legs and under her skirt, which had birds, ducks, flowers, and bottle of soda in bright colors on a hot pink background. Her top was lime green and had a giant smiley face on it and it said "Don't Worry Be Happy" in bright blue balloon letters. "Who are you?" I asked, in awe. 

"I'm the Gibster, Kimmie Gibbler" she said, jerking a thumb towards her chest. "And who are you two nerd bombers?" she asked.

"My name is Harlow and this thing is called Rudolpha. Don't look into her eyes or you'll turn into wood." I warned.

Kimmie Gibbler nodded 'Ah, one of them. I see."

"So, Kimmie Gibbler, will you help me and Rudolpha stop the forced of evil?" I asked. Kimmie Gibbler nodded "Is Tommy Page the sexiest man on earth?" she asked rhetorically

Me and Kimmie Gibbler interlaced our hands while Rudolpha had to watch, her fingers smelled like dirty coins and I didn't want them touching me.

We had formed a Trio!


	53. Chapter 53: Kimmie to the Rescue!

(I know it's been a while since I've posted anything, but I've been busy with stuff! But I found a youtube video of this guy reading my story and I did not like it! This is a story I made up with characters that I made up and I do not like people stealing from it. So get your own ideas!)

We had just finished making our trip pact when a villain jumped out! It was Zachary Quinto! He was waving his hands around and his wrists seem to have no bones in them at all. It was sinful!

"Woah Baby!" yelled Kimmy Gibbler. She grabbed one of the colorful pom poms attached to her sweater and threw it at the sodomite, a big explosion sending him flying into a tree.

"Oh My Gawd, Harlow, what are we gonna dew?" Rudolpha asked, her voice making me sick with its inordinate amount of ethnicity.

"I got this covered trio-reenos!" yelled Kimmie Gibbler, pulling a shiv out of her underwear and walking to the stunned sinner. She shoved the blade into his throat and we watched him bleed out. We all moaned and felt hot all over as his blood stained the ground red.

"You're my hero Keemi Gobbler!" I yelled!


	54. Chapter 54: Trapped!

I woke up all by myself! I didn't know what was going on!

"Where is everyone?" I yelled, but there was no answer because I was alone. Kimmie was gone, everyone was gone. I looked around the Forrest to see if I could have any clue to to where I was.

"Hello there" said a voice that was all evil. I turned and I gasped. It was Ellen Page. She had rainbow bracelets around her thick hair arms. I was scared!

"Get away from me!" I yelled, trying to find a rock to bash her head in.

"You are my captive now. I'm going to take you to my fortress and you'll never be able to end this war." Ellen Page said, laughing diabolically.

"Nooooo!" I yelled as she jumped on me, wrapping thick ropes around my arms and legs. I tried to grab my lightsaber, but it was too far away!

I was trapped!


	55. Chapter 55: Stuck in The Dungeon!

Ellen Page dragged me through the forrest! We soon approached a big giant fortress in the forrest. It was a forrest fortress! There was a big flag that looked like the sky after it had finished raining. "We're going to get rid of you once and for all" Ellen Page said, scratching her beard. Soon we were inside. We were greeted by a skinny man wearing makeup! He kept coughing and looking mannish. "Rayon, let everyone know that we're here!" Ellen Page said, smelling like wood polish.

Rayon giggled like a girl and ran away, his dress flowing behind him. It made me want to vomit! it was gross! Ellen Page dragged me into the dungeon and through me into a cell. I was trapped! "Just you wait until you see what we have planned for you, breeder!" she yelled, her voice sounding like wood polish. She stomped off in heavy boots. I looked around the cell, trying to find a way out!

I looked around and I couldn't find anything to help me. No keys, no swords, no lightsabers, nothing!

Rayon soon came in, looking even more like a man than before. He was holding a syringe, it had a multicolored liquid in it. "We've been looking for you, Lonestar" Rayon said.

"Go piss off, sinner!" I yelled at it. "Do you know what's in this syringe?" Rayvon asked me.

I shook my head, trying to find faith. "We're going to shoot you up with what's in this tube" Raynon grinned and evil grin, it's lipsticked covered lips cracked and gummy looking "And this tube is full of AIDS"


	56. Chapter 56: Jailed!

I laughed at Rayon "You stupid he-she, I can't get AIDS. I already had it and I was cured. You dumb whore, I'm going to laugh when you're burning in hell for your sinful ways" Rayon's lower lip began to quiver, it was caked in lipstick and feces "That's not fair! We were supposed to finally kill you!" I laughed at it again "Then come in and fight me! I'll show you that I'm stronger than I look" I flexed a muscle at him and he looked all scared. Rayon clutched its pearls and ran away, screaming like a bitch. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my magic key. I slipped it into the keyhole and opened the gate. I was free! 


	57. Chapter 57: Escape!

I walked out of the prison! I was free! I kept my light saber in one hand, my ray gun in the other, and my flash light in the other. I wanted to sneak out and not get caught. I walked down a hallway and there was a big wooden door. I could hear voices behind it so I kicked it open. "You thought you caught me!" I yelled, raising my ray gun. Rayswan was there and IT was standing there with Ellen Page. I raised my gun and shot both of them, sending them to hell. I ran out of the room as stealthy as I could but then I heard a voice behind me! "Did you really think it would be that easy?" I jumped and turned around. It was Hillary Clinton. She laughed. She was wearing a pantsuit made out of aborted babies! It was horrible! I wanted to pray for God to save her soul but instead I shot at her. She was able to jump out of the way "Once I seize power, everyone will live off of the system and they'll all be dependant on me!" she said, cackling like a liberal. She then raised her own lightsaber! We were going to duel! 


	58. Chapter 58: Liberal

I used my powers of the Force to throw Hilary Cliton to the ground. She let out a deep roar and threw a birth control pill at me. It exploded into a cloud of smoke! I couldn't see! I swung my lightsaver around to prevent her from getting too close to me. I was suddenly hit in the back of the head! I stumbled forward and turned to see the Baby Killer behind me. She has snooked up behind me!

"I'm going to stop your evil" I said, knowing Jesus was on my side. She just laughed "Even if you stop me, you won't be able to prevent gay marriage and abortions. We're all following The President, so we do whatever he says. I'm just a part of a whole" She grinned, twirling her mustache.

"No!" I yelled and I began to pray. "Stop that!" Hillury scremed. She rushed to stop me, but a light shoned down from the ceiling and she froze. Suddenly, small angels began to fly down and surround the Beast. "The Babies you allowed to be murdered in the womb have some words for you, Dark One!" I yelled. Suddenly the angels began to grab and bite at Hillary Duff. She let out an anguished cry. I moaned in delight, seeing Hilary Clinton getting her just punishment. When the angels flew back to heaven, the only think remaining we bones that had been piked clean. I began to run tothe entrance of thr fortress. I was free!


	59. Chapter 59: Free!

I ran out of the fortress and through the woods. I then stopped and walked behind a bush. I tugged my pants off and squatted. I could slowly feel the poo begin to push out of me. My hole spread to allow exit for the nugget of waste. I couldn't help but let out a satisfied moan as the hard turd pressed along my walls as it made its way out of my body. Soon it fell to the ground with a satisfying plop, my bowels feeling sadly empty for a brief moment. I pulled my pants back on, my knees shaking with pleasure.

"Rudolpha, we have to go!" I said. We both ran through the forest.

"Harlow, slow down. My allergies are acting up!" She pointed to her massive nose.

But before we could go any further, Tom Robinson jumped out at us. His dark skin was shining and he was grinning at us with an EVIL look!


	60. Chapter 60: The Savage

The savage advanced at me, his evil grin shining bright against his skin.

"Oh Shit, Harlow!" Rudolpha yelled in her annoying accent. She tried to hide!

I raised a whip and lashed out at Tom Robinson. He howled like an animal and fell to the ground! I moaned at the sight of the animal being subjected to the proper treatment!

He tried to get up and attack me, but I raised my lazer gun and shot him in the head. His brains blew out the back of his head, the skull fragments raining down around us.

Rudolpha came out from behind the giant bag of money she was hiding behind. Her pants we wet and lumpy. "Harlow, I got so scared I messed myself!" She said.

"You're so a grossburger!" I yelled, giving her a playful shove.

She stumbled back and fell to the ground. Our eyes locked and I saw the life leaving her eyes. It was really sad! (If you're crying, I'm sorry!) I held her hand and kissed it, it tasted like grease and kosher salt. She gave me a look that let me know that she wanted me to win so that our world would be safe. And then she went all limp and stuff and died. I cried for like 5 minutes.

"Harlow! There you are!" said a voice. It was Beyonce. She was leading Solange on a leash in front of her. She was snarling and foaming at the mouth like an animal.

"We have an emergency, gurl! They comin' for us!" Beyonce said. She sounded scurred!


	61. Chapter 61: Equal

Editor's Note: A few people said that my new chapter is rasist! That's not true at all! I think all white people are the same and all black people are the same. Don't call me a racist because it's not TRUE!

Me and Beyonce were running through the woods. Her beautiful light brown skin was shining in the sun (SEE?!)

"Beyonce!" I said "What's going on?" I said

"Those bitches came for us. They blew up one of our bases and the shit's really hitting the fan" She said

"Oh no!" I said

We kept running through the woods. Beyonce was so fast and athletic! Soon we arrive at a large field where there was a lot of fighting. There were explosions and bullets and ray gun blasts and arrows flying through the air! Suddenly Norma Desmond jumped at me! I covered my face, but she exploded in the air! Behind her stood a big naked blue man "Thank you Docor Manhattan!" I yelled. He gave me a thumbs up and a wink and we all ran into the battle!


	62. Chapter 62: War

I ran and hid behind a rock as lazer beams, arrows, and bullets flew past me! I tried to survey the situation. It seemed like everyone was fighting! Gwen Stacy jumped behind my rock and tried to strangle me. I gasped! I reached for a rock and swung it at her head. She cried out and fell over. I climb on top of her and brought the rock down on her head over and over until her screams went silent and I felt the satisfying crunch as her face caved in, the wet softness of her brains seeping out from her cracked visage. I ran out from the rock, looking for another place to hide!

Someone tackled me! I looked up and saw Rachel Maddow. She gave a mannish grin as he hand went to touch my boober! I screamed and grabbed a nearby arrow, jabbing it into her throat. My face was sprayed with blood. I stayed there until her wet gurgling ended, I loved the sound!

This fight was crazy! "You think you're tough!?" yelled a voice. I turned to look and I gasped. It was Queen Beryl!

I raised my revolver and fired a shot at her, but she diappeared and then reappered! "You think I could be hurt by such foolish toys" She said, grinning evilly.

I tried to shoot her again and it hit her shoulder. She swored a bad word and clutched the bullet hole. She pulled out a big sword and lunged at me! I dove to the ground. I heard the Woosh! of the blade at it almost cut my belly! I could tell that this was going to be a hard fight.

"Harlow, don't worry!" yelled an obnoxious New York-ish voice. It was Rudolpha, she ran at Queen Beryl "Oy Vey, Go Away!" she said, trying to make it her catchphrase. Queen Beryl picked up Rudolpha and threw her to the ground "That hurt!" Rudolpha yelled. Queen Beryl raised her sword "I'll finish your friend off once and for all!" yelled Queen Beryl.

No! I had to save Rudolphor!


End file.
